Special Needs Parent Monthly (#1)

Welcome to the kick off of a NEW blog series, where MONTHLY, I will feature a Special Needs Parent. If you are interested in being considered as a featured SN parent in a future posting, please email me at melmom2angels@yahoo.com.

First up is Robin. In her own words, she will tell of herself, her family, and her life with having a disabled child.

basic info....stay at home mom, married 16 years in Feb., I enjoy reading, photograghy and word games.

have 2 sons Derek 11 and Jacob 13..

life as a special needs parent well, I don't sleep much lol. it's a struggle to balance my time between my sons since Jacob needs so much of my time. Jacob was dxed at 2 years, he was a good baby, well a great baby...only cried when he was hungry. Everyone was jealous but in the back of my mind I was worried. He was To good! He didn't regress, he just reached milestones late. He didn't babble, point, or "play" like other kids his age. He started PT at 8 months, Ot and speech at 18 months and early intervention at 2.

He is in the 8th grade and I'm going to start home schooling next because he will be going into high school and I feel like he will benefit more from one on one and I can pay more attention to the areas that of important to Jacob. He LOVES music, football, water, and food. lol which is a challenge because he is on the gf/cf diet.

He's a good dancer. He has severe IBS and when he is in pain he becomes very aggressive. He doesn't know his own strength. He gives the best hugs in the world! He has a lot of sensory issues and likes deep pressure and massage.

He likes to be petted on his arms some times which gets us strange looks in public. lol Doesn't bother me, I'm outspoken if people are rude I let them know about it.

Autism is just part of our family....you learn to adjust your life accordingly. Jacob is non verbal so I am his voice....and I have a big mouth (hehe)!

Spanking a Disabled Child vs Not Spanking & Punishment In General; SN vs NT Kids

I'm a spanking parent. I have spanked my son as needed through the years. Of course, he is of an age and height that I have been able to find other means of punishment (like taking toys/games/computer time away). But the youngest who is 7 years old, though a rare thing, still gets spanked IF the "punishment fits the crime".

I have a friend on FaceBook who had been faced with a dilemma. Her child is three years old, disabled, and has yet to be diagnosed with Autism or any other mental delays. The other day at a family function, her husband had spanked their daughter for BITING, as well as hitting. And not a child, but another adult.

Her husband works a lot at his second shift job and only really sees the child on the weekends.

Mom isn't much on spanking, but Dad is. And when the little girl bit and hit the adult, the Dad got a hold of his daughter and spanked her for her actions. Needless to say, Mom wasn't pleased with how he handled the situation. She said it was more about the embarrassment of it happening in front of the family than anything else.

After hearing (or shall I say, reading) everything, I stated that the Mom can't really be mad at him. If he isn't able to be there due to working a lot, then he hasn't had the time (or maybe even the energy) to be TAUGHT (by her) of what works best with their daughter. You cannot just "assume" he SHOULD know how to help handle her, when he isn't there a lot of the time to learn by watching, listening or hands-on.

She needs to (calmly) approach him when they are BOTH free to get together, and talk with him and teach him what works best with your child. If she doesn't take the time to voice to him what works/doesn't work, then he won't know the BEST options of how to punish/redirect/handle his child.

In time, she will learn the differences of when it's her daughter just being a typical kid getting in to trouble, and between it REALLY being the disability showing through.

But even for as long as I have known the lowdown on my kid, I STILL have moments of wondering which way it is really swinging. In the end though, I try really, REALLY hard to NOT use the "he is disabled and has a lot of problems" excuse with him.

He is treated, talked to, and (most of the time) interacted with on the same level as his sisters. As in, he gets in to trouble just as much as they do.

I don't let my kid use his disabilities as an excuse 100% of the time. If I do/did, then HE would think that he can get out of trouble ALL of the time.

To me, he is just as "normal" as his nutty sisters are. He is just more matter-of-fact and sensitive emotionally than the girls.

I sometimes get HIGHLY embarrassed due to my son's actions, reactions and behaviors. No doubt. But even then, you cannot always "excuse" their behavior on their disabilities.

You have to learn and KEEP a balance between typical kid and disabled kid. Or else, they WILL grow up to think that they can (some literally) get away with murder.

And don't EVER be embarrassed to defuse a situation (such as biting and hitting someone) in front of others. I have done it on many occasions and WON'T be afraid to do so in the future, if need be.

You just need to find that balance, and the key to successful behavior management where child's concerned. Because they are unique individuals, and what works for me or any of the other parents, may not necessarily work for YOUR child, and you BOTH as their parents. There MUST be a middle ground that is firmly established.

Believe me when I say that I have had to (literally) peel my son off of one of his sisters as he bit them and used them for a punching bag. Seriously injuring the baby when she WAS a baby (bruises and a bonked head from being shoved off a toddler bed). Over NOTHING at all. Just got it in himself to start beating the holy hell out of her.

I don't care if a person spanks or not. When it comes to hitting and biting, you MUST take care of the problem RIGHT THEN. Not later in the day. Be it if the child is one year old or 15 years old. Biting and hitting, especially an adult, or a child YOUNGER than the one doing the hitting/biting, is a huge "no-no" that has NO excuses.

In that instance, wrong is wrong. No matter the reason. No matter the mental capacity. No matter if the child is "normal" or "disabled".

My philosophy is, if my "normal brained" girls are NOT allowed to behave in a certain manner (hitting, biting, stealing, cursing), then neither is my "mentally challenged" son.

How is honestly fair for me to excuse the actions of the one, and not of the two? That can and will build up resentment in his sisters against their brother, and against me if I was to excuse everything on the basis of his diagnoses.

Every single day it is indeed a struggle to find THAT balance between "normal childhood" behavior, and "disability-driven" behaviors. Some things though, should be no-brainer behaviors that no matter the mental capacity, should NEVER be tolerated or excused due to said disability.

And like a fellow group member had stated, not everything will work with everyone, nor will everyone believe that corporal punishment should be utilized. I say if used CORRECTLY and in the right situations, it CAN be an effective tool.

But not every offense deserves having a spanking. Just like not every offense deserves a month-long grounding.

I think a lot of my views stem from my own childhood. I WAS a disabled child. And my dad treated me as a normal kid. My mom on the other hand "babied" me. And she did it so much, to such an extent, that it really did tarnish my childhood, and made me resent her later on in life, for YEARS. Even after she died.

There is a time to use the "disability card" (my name for it), and when NOT to. Most times, it was just me being a kid. But to her, I did NO wrong, even when it was clear that I WAS in the wrong. So, I never got in trouble (if I did by her, it was VERY rare) unless my dad was there. And then, I got what he felt I deserved. Yes, that did include a spanking here and there.

The more I recall it all, and the more I think on it, I truly believe I got myself in to trouble, especially around my dad as much as I did, was because I THRIVED on it. I felt like a "normal" little kid.

NT Parents vs. SN Parents

I am a mother.

I am a mother to three children.

I am a mother to three kids, where one of them has "problems".

I am a mother to three kids, where one of them has "problems", but that I love all equally.

You say that there is NO way you could do what I do, put up with what I put up with, and defend what I have to defend.

You say we are a strong, but rare breed. But there are more parents like me than you most likely even know. Because we don't look to be recognized or placed on a pedestal.

We do what we have to do, when we have to do it, as to ensure that our "special" kids are getting everything in life that they deserve.

That includes being as close to "normal" as we can get them. And to obtain the specialized services, that though are supposed to be rendered by Federally mandated Laws, are not always put in to place.

We rejoice at what most people take for granted. Especially when they are "late bloomers". We cry from the frustration. Not just our own, but the frustrations that our children display.

We want what ALL (okay, MOST) parents want for their kids. A better and fulfilling life.

You and I aren't THAT different in the world of Parenting. We, like our children, just do things a little bit different from the rest of you. And we see things (like first words, first steps and the other norms of growing up) a tad bit differently as well.

Other than that, I'm not much different from you. And yes, you CAN do what I do on a daily basis. Because when push comes to shove, when it comes to your child, you would do most ANYTHING and move every mountain and boulder to help your child achieve their very best potential.

Do I want to just throw my hands up and quit? YES! Sometimes, the fight to help your child achieve can really tire you emotionally and mentally. As can their daily struggles and fights of will. But in the end, no matter how much you want to just turn around and walk away, you CAN'T. You know for a fact that you have invested WAY too much time, energy, and most important, love in to helping your children succeed to the best of their ability.

So, the next time you think to yourself that you could "never do my job as a parent", or think I must be a lot stronger than you, take a step back and think, and know that when it all comes down to that fine line in the sand, there is really no line at all.

If You Are A Parent Who is Being *Abused* By Your Kids...

First of all, know you aren't alone with being physically ABUSED... yes, abused, by your child. I have been verbally, emotionally abused, assaulted and my life threatened. All by my child.

It had taken me a long time to accept the fact that I was being abused by my own child. When you are left with marks or scars because of your children's actions, or you have things pulled out on you (like knives, hammers and scissors), and have your very LIFE IT'S SELF *threatened* and/or in jeopardy, that is constituted by law as ABUSE. Even if it's by a minor child.

As for medications (no matter the reason for taking them), if you have stopped them, YES, you have to let the doctor know. Tell them exactly why you did it. They have to know for various reasons. That goes for ANY doctors that have taken charge of taking care of your child medically! They base what is being taken as to if they can use other meds for other reasons as to ensure that there isn't any deadly mixings/cross medicatings.

If your child is getting so out of hand, no matter if just at home, both there and at school, or both of them AND within community settings (restaurants, the store, etc.), that behavior modifications (like a reward system and punishment system) are not working, then it MAY BE time to start thinking about ADD/ADHD (if they have it, too) medications and even Mood Stabilizers (like the Seroquel that B is on).

As for DENIAL that something is truly wrong with our kids, and the fact that they need more help than we can give on our own, we ALL go through it. Especially us moms of children such as ours. But also, you have to look at it from THEIR perspective, too.

Our kids do NOT want to be "bad" kids who are different in that view of them. All in all, they ARE *good* kids, but have brains that are hardwired completely different from their peers and from most other people in general.

Medications for the mentally unstable, for KIDS, has gotten SO many bad "reports". Mainly from those that have NEVER even tried them, and are unwilling to try them for their children as a part of their overall therapy.

True, not every child NEEDS to be medicated. But, most of the time, the ones that NEED it, don't get it, and the ones that DON'T need it, are the ones being "doped up".

In the end, the ONLY ones that can determine for certain that your child needs medications that will help with their mental issues is you, the doctor in charge of your child's care (Psychiatrist) and the child (more so their overall mental state).

Yes, I know that dealing with the agencies and doctors, and therapists CAN be a pain in the butt, in the end, it makes life SO much easier, when what SHOULD HAVE ALREADY been done IS being done.

Easier for them and their day-to-day life, and for US as their parents as well.

Schoolward Bound. Fifth Grade, Here He Comes!!

This past week we are about to leave, and the one that is coming upon us has been and will be fairly busy. It's back to school time. And I think that ALL of us are ready. For the most part, anyways.

This week was filled with filling out paperwork, taking in paperwork to be filled out by Medical Professionals, a doctor appointment and school supply shopping.

Geez! Just thinking of what I just listed, I'm tired all over again! *hehe* (=

This coming week, it's REGISTRATION time! And this means now, TWO different schools for three different kids. My oldest is moving on to Middle School.

B is in fifth grade this year. And thankfully, I was able to place him in with my oldest's former homeroom teacher, who is the ONLY one of the three in their grade to be Special Education certified.

It also helps that she taught my HUSBAND when he was a kid at another school, for the third grade. And she started LAST school year to acclimate him by saying good morning to him, giving him his "morning hug" (their classrooms were next to one another at the time between the two grades). And she already has gotten an idea of what his needs will be with classroom placement and what will possibly work best to get the best ability out of his potential.

She runs a pretty tight ship. You do as expected, she is your BFF. You decide to make her life hell and not do as instructed, then your ass is grass. And he needs that kind of firm structure. And she is already on to his manipulations. BONUS!

Do I worry? Yep! But not as much as I have with the teachers of the past in regards to B. This lady is one of the best in her field. And one of the most patient and kind. But also one of the most strict and not able to be bamboozled, too.

I'll more so worry NEXT year, then I will THIS year. Because there is a VERY good chance that B and his older sister will NOT be in the same Middle School, being she was accepted in to a school across town that takes those that are highly advanced/gifted. If she is able to remain there next school year (2012-2013), then he will be in our Zone School for Middle School all on his own.

Yes, he too is advanced in most areas of study. But he doesn't have the work ethic and focus for a Gifted Program. Thanks to his emotional instability, lack of maturity, and his severe ADHD it takes him out of the running for advancement such as what his sister is in. And it hurts me. But at the same time, I can safely say that a setting such as that is clearly not for him.

Should I compare? No. But it is extremely hard to NOT see the difference versus the similarities.

You sometimes, I feel, HAVE TO compare the "odd one out" to the others because it forces you to see just how different the one with the problems truly is from most of society. It makes you step back and think a little more and be more compassionate, understanding and willing to have more patience. Not just with YOUR child with Silent Disabilities, but other children (and adults) with the same afflictions as well.

So, here is to (hopefully) smooth sailing for this school year. In just over a week, and then all three are off on another school-year adventure of learning and fun. But this year, it will be minus their big sister. And I think they will do just fine.

Kids and Adults. See the Difference.

Yesterday, my son had a Psychiatric appointment. While in the waiting room, a girl not too much younger than him came in. I knew RIGHT OFF THE BAT she has a moderate/severe form of Autism. She mainly played "alone" away from the group of kids at the table (including my 3 kids). But in the end, two of mine went and played with her, as did another little boy.

In that moment, I had seen firsthand how CHILDREN are more accepting and less afraid of communication and interaction with another person, despite being profoundly disabled, in contrast to the *adults* who are TOO SCARED (as in may say or do something "wrong" within the interaction process) to interact with them.

These kids all had something in common in that room. THAT is what drawn them to one another. The fact that they ALL are disabled, mentally in one way or another, you *can't* see OUTSIDE (for the most part) what their handicaps are. But they all understand one another and eachother's "quirks".

If only more people, primarily adults could be like those kids. To see PAST an individual's "quirks" (disabilities) and interact with them on a more personal level of "normalcy" and compassion. To do so would make this world a MUCH better place to live.

Just like my son and his older sister. They can fight and scrap like cats thrown in to a tub of water and getting a bath. But when push comes to shove, my oldest (the girl) says that NO ONE had better DARE call her little brother names (like retard) or pick on him in any other way. She said if they do and she finds out, the bully will be dealing with HER...Same with my son about BOTH of his sisters.

My daughters SEE and also have experienced firsthand what their brother's differences are and can be like, from other "normal" kids (and boys his age). But they are accepting of him for who he is, and what his "quirks" are.

They know when to run and hide, when to stand up to him and when to defend him. In the end, he is their brother. Period. Not disabled, weird, different or "nuts in the head".

Just a kid that is a bit off, but is still lovable just the same and is treated no differently.

Inclusion...As it should be.

My child has mental health issues. They do NOT have him, though. He may have his quirks and his ways of viewing the world around him. But when you get down to the brass tacks of it all, he is just your average, ordinary, everyday kid who loves, loves to be loved, plays hard and loves to play with others (most of the time).

Also, we got his SOL (Standards of Learning) scores back from taking them for Reading and Math. He placed Advanced in both. One of them (Reading) was a 2 hour to 2 1/2 hour test. He was able to go to another area to take his test and have as much time as he needed. He felt less stressed and anxiety-ridden, and felt more at ease at knowing that he could just take HIS time and not feel any pressure.

We are now officially out of school for the Summer. But we are getting B in to the Day Treatment Camp. And I already have his new Homeroom teacher lined up for next year. She is the ONLY one of the three in the 5th Grade Unit Special Ed. certified and is already acclimating him to be with her. In fact she started it MONTHS ago, seeing as they are only three doors down from one another. I love H's (now former) teacher!

     (My niece who is going to be a Senior in HS and B at the family reunion)

     (Five...yes, F-I-V-E generations of my husband's late Grandfather's side of the family. 7 kids, 16 grands and 32 great-grands, and 1 great-great grand. NOT all pictured here, but includes spouses/significant others, with my son in very front in red shirt and blue shorts.)

                (B in the school's Field Day race this past Thursday.)

And so he got approved...Sorta.

Finally. I had received the "Pre-Authorization" notice for Bryce to go to Day Treatment Day Camp for the summer. I had practically crawled up his Case Manager's hind end as to know when I was to get the paper work. After several weeks asking about this paperwork to fill out, she FINALLY tells me that Medicaid is "doing things different this year and pre-authing" the clients". Nice! Thanks for telling me after WEEKS of speculation.

So, I get my copy in the mail last week. He got approved alright! For "Mental Health Partial Hospitalization" due to it being "Medically Necessary And Approved as Requested".

Stupid insurance formalities! I am NOT placing my kid in a Psych Ward. He is going to be in a Summer Camp with other kids with problems and disabilities as he too has.

In the Day Treatment Day Camp setting, they not only do fun things like crafts and go to various places. They learn the tools (or are re-taught, if they have "forgotten") to help them have better social and behavioral skills. And they even receive therapy on-site at least once a week. And they learn how to better form and interact in friendships.

Most of these kids don't have any real friends. Why? Because of their "quirks", like being so short tempered, their ability to ramble on about one certain thing, not letting others speak or they get cut off because our kids have yet to master the social cues of when to "talk and when to shut up". Or they have visible tics that scare other kids from interacting with the one affected.

At least at the Day Treatment Day Camp, EVERYONE is equal. There is no shunning. They feel safe and comfortable. And if their "quirks" decide to shine, that's okay. Even the negative ones. But they will get assistance in trying to "deal" with the more negative aspects of the times where being good is just a little bit more hard than most days for them.

But one little hitch is still in the plan. Where in the world is my paperwork to OFFICIALLY place him in to the Summer Camp? I guess I will get to make the lovely call (again!) to ask his (new..as in new to being one) Case Manager once more about getting the papers to fill out and give permission to be in the Day Treatment setting.

It's only about two weeks away. So they best give me my papers to sign. Or else, if she cannot do her job properly, I will have to report her to Bryce's old CM, who is now in charge of the CM staffing.

And I REALLY hate "tattling" on people, only to get them in to trouble. But by golly! They need to do their job and do it in a TIMELY manner. Yes, there are other kids besides mine that they help and I duly understand this. But I appreciate equal time and concern for my kid as well, along with the other patients.

ADA and it's historical Significance

ADA, also commonly known as Americans with Disabilities Act, which is now integrating more and more Disabilities over the last couple of decades is an often misunderstood Federal Law. There seem to be more assumptions made, than having facts spoken of.

To get a better view about the ADA, please watch this video that is just a few minutes long.



Sadly, for those individulas who like my son, have what are called "invisible" or "silent" disabilities, getting the ADA to work for them is a chore, to say the least.

The less a person LOOKS disabled, the less likely that the ADA will benefit them. At least this is MY personal experience in regards to trying to have the ADA work in Bryce's favor. I'm still fighting to get simple accommodations at school. Not to mention, he is LEGALLY obliged to receive the 504 Plan. But again, the school is fighting me on that with mundane excuses.

Here's some facts about Invisible/Silent Disabilities.



We as individuals with invisible/silent disabilities and/or those as their caregivers need to get louder than we have been. We need to start shouting from the rooftops. Especially where CHILDREN are concerned. They are the most overlooked individuals.

Why? The simple answer is that because they are KIDS. Kids are stereotyped as being too young and should be able to have things "bounce off them" as if they were rubber balls. Basically, they are too young to be so inactive. Or too young to have "such things" (such as diabetes, which in its self can be QUITE debilitating).

Some children (and adults) don't "look" sick on the outside, but are debilitated on the inside. They may keep medical equipment within their vehicles, out of plan sight (which was the case with me as a small child), in case of an emergent situation.

For twenty years, the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) has fought long and hard for those that are VISUALLY (as in seen as they are physically disabled) disabled. Just within the past decade, that I MYSELF know of, have the silently disabled been justified with being included in the fight for Federal Law to also encompass their needs of inclusion and legal fairness to be seen and heard as having REAL disabilities and to be afforded the same rights and Due Processes as their visibly impaired counterparts.

I hope that this post has served it's purpose as being a learning tool, a historical piece, and a means to get more people involved in the movement to bring to light that those with silent/invisible disabilities can and ARE productive individuals within their communities and that they should be able to obtain the same rights and inclusions as those that are blind, deaf, physically and/or mentally challenged.

Spring Break I can see will be breaking me.

I can only afford to do so much with the kids. It's not like I'm rich or something, ya know.

And having a child that can't seem to sit still or NOT not be doing something can pose quite the challenge for a mom who has her kids home for a week on Spring Break. And if you think I'm going to be nuts by the end of this week, just you all wait for Summer Vacation.

So far, I have planned to take the kids up to the school at least twice, once at the end of the week to meet up with some of my mommy-friends from my daughter's Kindergarten class. Of course siblings will be there, too, for a picnic/play date.

And being that we have a $1.50 theater, where movies about to go to Blu-Ray and DVD are viewed one last time in the theater. Of course, with cheap admission, comes overly priced popcorn, drinks and candy goodies. But it's worth it. We want to see "Gnomeo And Juliet".

Also, thanks to having a local Minor League Baseball Team, the Lynchburg Hillcats, I would like to try and take the kids for one or two home games. We love going to see the team play. And you never know when the team mascot, Southpaw will come over and give the kids a high-five or a hug. Or dance.

Add in that Bryce (and his sisters accordingly) love to play out in the back yard and ride their bikes, they will have something to always do, as long as the weather holds, of course.

But still, keeping an ADHD child busy can be serious business sometimes. This week isn't for sitting on my laurels and relaxing. It's housework, keeping kids in line and busy in one way or another, and having some serious fun.

Now, off to do the dishes, start laundry and clean our Bearded Dragon's cage.

Need A Place Other Than THIS Blog to share and talk?

Then you have a couple of options! One of them is brand-spanking new. The other is well, not so "new", but may be "new" to YOU. (=

First of all, 'The "Mental"-ist Mom' has it's very own "Like" page over on FaceBook.

There you will find direct links to new posts. Yo can also post to the page's wall with discussions, photos, links to other sites or to articles that you wish to share. Me casa, su casa is my motto!

Now for the BRAND NEW spot you can also find me at, and this blog's postings and other neat things...

The Blog Frog Community for 'The "Mental"-ist Mom' blog!

There's already some discussion topics up for you to join in with us. And please FEEL FREE to start discussions of your own...There's also room for GROUPS to be formed. If YOU wish to start a group, please contact me via message on TBF Community and I will make you an Admin of the site SPECIFICALLY to run YOUR group (only).

Have a wonderful Monday, everyone! And I hope that you will indeed "hop" on over to these pages and that we can converse soon. I LOVE interacting with my readers.

Sometimes I feel Alone In Parenting. Now There's A *GROUP* For Us!

I know that there are MILLIONS of parents that have to care for children that are not what society views as a "normal" child. We are of a unique "breed" of parenting. We are parents of children that have a disability of one kind or another.

Some of our kids have just one disability to live with and battle. Some of us have a child or even more than one child in our home that have a multitude of disabilities.

And for most of us, while the diagnosis may be the same in comparison, the way our lives and theirs, their severity of disability and how each individual home decides to "deal with it" may greatly differ.

There are times, especially when Bryce is having a really bad "off" day, I feel so very isolated and alone. Like no one truly understands what he goes through, or that I do as his mother. At times, I think that no one really CAN understand.

But then after the storm passes, I then know that indeed, I am NOT alone. There really ARE other parents out in the world like me that live daily with the struggles of having a disabled child. May the child be physically, mentally, or even emotionally or behaviorally challenged.

Now, thanks to Vic, Ashley and Danielle over at For The Love Of Blogs (FTLOB), us parents that are raising children that are considered "Special Needs" will have a group/place of our own to come together and talk and get/give support.

Most of the time, Special Needs Parents are shut out from the rest of the world. We are considered "taboo", as are our children and their medical problems. And it is such a shame, seeing as our children can teach the rest of the world more than us "normal" people can of how to give UNCONDITIONAL love, support and acceptance.

If you wish to also join the group and get to know other parents of Special Needs kids, just click on the link I provided and follow the instructions.

And you can also join a host of other groups that the FTLOB family is putting together. I cannot say enough about this EXTREMELY wonderful and supportful community, where both fellow bloggers, as well as those that just love to read blogs, can come together as one and support each other, and form some wonderful friendships.

Hope to see you join me there soon!

Things WILL be changing around here!

When is enough truly enough? It's when you constantly hear your son ask you why his sisters get to go on overnight trips with extended family members, but he is NEVER invited.

With the exception of one.

So, as of last night, I told my husband that after this upcoming weekend getaway that Hayley will have with my oldest niece, there will be NO MORE over-nighters for ANY of the three kids. Except for with the one certain family member.

No one knows of this yet, seeing as the ONLY one to know of my decision is my husband, who did not dare fight me on it, seeing as he has been heart sick over the "treatment" (or lack there of) of our son.

Oh I am 100% positive that they LOVE my child. But love is NOT just about the three words, 'I LOVE YOU'. It's also shown and even spoken of through ACTION.

They can all tell my kid that they love him until they are blue in the face and he gets sick to death of hearing it. What he is BEGGING for, yearning for is for it to be SHOWN to him.

He wants to have the same opportunity as his sisters get. And that is to have fun times with his cousins, aunts and uncles.

But of course that means having to take responsibility for his care. This means having constant contact with him for an entire night and at least part of an entire day.

And without even telling me, they are in some way SCARED of him and what he is capable of. When he has an episode, anything can happen.

Well damn! I deal with that shit EVERY single day. And guess what? I STILL manage to have FUN with him. I still treat him as if he is just as "normal" as any other person.

It'd be REALLY nice to have a damned break. I don't get that. Rarely enough do I with the girls. But NEVER (but once in a blue moon with the one family member) where Bryce is concerned.

So this is why after this weekend, NONE of my kids will be allowed to have sleepovers at other family members' homes. I see it like this.. If you can't take ALL THREE (either individually or together) from time to time, then you should NOT get ANY of my children.

And also, I have decided that just because I am a Stay-Home Mom, I am NO LONGER watching ANY of the kids in the family, except for the one who's willing to take my son from time to time.

I'm tired of being a damn door mat. And I'm tired of being used and having one of my kids pushed out because he is "different".

When it's a friend doing this shit, it's one thing. Still hurtful, but not as heart breaking. When it's family, that's a whole other ball game.

My hopes for my child(ren) in 2011.

Here is what I hope for my son with the start of the new year...

1) That he can FINALLY receive much needed Services that are SUPPOSED TO BE given to him per request in school (504 Plan, IEP, Day Treatment Services, a couple accommodations..ANYTHING).

2) That the stability keeps up with what meds and doses of said medications he is on now. So far, this chick has NO room to complain, in comparison to about a year and a half ago.

3) That he makes even bigger strides in his interpersonal relationships with his friends and family members.

4) That as a family, we keep getting stronger and on the bad days, can work together better to get past each bump in the proverbial road that comes our way.

5) I hope that all three of my children grow even more tight than they are now. They are close, but they are starting to stray, thanks to age. So I can only hope the bond deepens as they get older.

6) That all three of my kids live life to its fullest with grace, dignity, love, respect, tolerance and peace. I can only hope that my teachings and advocacy have thus far done their jobs in helping me to raise the future.

ADHD...

The following is a copy of a post I had done a while back over on my main blog, 'The (Not Always) Happy Homemaker Diary'.

And the title of the post was just what it is here, "ADHD". This I hope will give you a first-hand, real life glimpse in to what my son's life is like on a DAILY basis...


As a mother, it is hard to watch your child struggle. What are ordinary, everyday tasks and expectations to us, is a ball of confusion and frustration for our kids.

Sitting still. Focusing. Being organized. Paying attention to the instructor. Following multiple directions at a rapid pace.

Sounds like a lot, and even a bit confusing to you? I'm sure that it does. But to my son, and to millions of other children in the United States alone, it is a hardship for them every single day to keep up with those tasks while in the classroom, and even at home.

Constantly, I have to remind my hyper, active, not-very-attentive son to complete this task first, so he can move on to the next. Then, after that, I have to remind him to let me check his work against his Agenda, to ensure that he completed the assignments. Then, and only then, may he have his computer or his TV time.

The same goes for his household chores. And the teachers have to stay on top of Bryce as well, being he can fall off of the track pretty quick, and pretty often.

Case in point.. Bryce was found to be sitting in the hall, by his Science and Social Studies Teacher's room. Apparently, he was disrupting the class and "poking at" one girl constantly. After being told to finally move himself to an area where he could be alone, he started to bawl and be belligerent. So, the teacher sent him to the hall.

Then, at snack time, when the Mixed Berries were passed out, he couldn't have any, being that the kitchen never made him a separate bowl without the Blackberries, being he is allergic to them. He went buck wild, pitching a fit, not concentrating on the teacher's explanation, and saying he was being abused because she was "starving" him.

It's not ALL stemming from his ADHD. The lashing out is from another disorder he is inflicted with. But the "poking" of the child, his fidgeting, his lack of concentration, and organization skills, as well as his hyperness, even in his talking to others is a part of the ADHD that he has. Bryce has the more severe form of the disorder.

And yes, he is on medication therapy for it. He takes Vyvanse in the morning, before school. His Intuniv is taken before bedtime. It also serves as a sleep aide, being that his brain stays in "overdrive". The Intuniv relaxes the centers in the brain to control his sleep pattern. And it helps him focus on going to sleep, along with his bedtime routine rituals.

One thing that I have noted the last few years, as the parent of an ADHD child that is medicated, is that most (not all, mind you) teachers think that the medication is the "magic cure-all" for the ADHD while the child is in their classroom. That cannot be further from the truth.

While the medications DO help the child stay focused, attentive, and with less likelihood to blurt out or talk out of turn (or even go way off the topic at hand), the medicines can only control those points to a certain extent.

The remainder of the ADHD child's success relies upon both the child's willingness to gain SELF-control and SELF-discipline, as well as the teacher's willingness to work with the child to achieve those same goals that ADHD students need to be successful students.

This may mean giving the ADHD child a separate desk area, where fellow students will not be a distraction. Or even asking the child if the student is understanding and able to follow the lesson. The teacher can't be "all mouth". They must be about action as well. This means walking around, using hand gestures. Anything to keep the ADHD child engaged in the lesson.

On average, the typical ADHD child can give you no more than fifteen minutes of their attention. For the ones with severe ADHD, you are lucky, and I mean LUCKY, to get ten minutes of their attention, being most severe cases have an attention span of only five minutes.

Too many teachers rely on medication therapy. And anti-medicating advocates talk about us parents? MOST of us parents tried EVERYTHING else under the sun for our children BEFORE going the "pill route".

Our child's first line of defense of course, are the parents. Then, the doctors and therapeutic team. Teachers though, as well as the other school staff round out the team for these kids. We ALL have to work together to help these children with ADHD be successful . Within the classroom setting, as well as out in the community and within the world.

So, remember that while ADHD medications DO help, it's far from being the "cure-all" route of having a successful child. One-on-one working with your child (or student, if that is the case), providing the appropriate tools for success, and helping them to build their SELF-esteem and SELF-control are the REAL keys for having an ADHD child that is well-rounded, adjusted, organized and an overall good student in the classroom and beyond.