Wordless Wednesday...All About My Lil Man!

I Ripped In To The (Substitute) School Nurse.

I honestly didn't mean to. And it was out of anger more than anything, as well as being tired of the "same shit, different day" call.

Yes, it IS true that Bryce did NOT have his Vyvanse this morning. And no, the school has no more of his "back up" pills on stand by. Yes, his not getting his ADHD med this morning was/is MY fault (and his dad's) because we accidentally left it in the glove compartment after taking it with us on an outing yesterday morning.

After speaking both with the (sub) school nurse and with Bryce himself as to what was going on with his "screaming and yelling fit" (which he claims he was NOT acting out), I honestly cannot say at this point who is telling me the truth between him and his teacher.

Why yes I did say that his teacher MAY be *lying*. Because if my son has ANY type of fit (be it mild or otherwise), they call me and AUTOMATICALLY assume that Bryce didn't have his ADHD medicine and will proceed to ask if indeed he did have it or not. In which case, he IS medicated (at home) about 98% of the time.

Also note, that I have told them time and time again, like a damned broken ass record, that it is *NOT* the Vyvanse that controls his mood swings. The Seroquel is used for that issue. And even then, it will not 100% curb them.

Plus add in the fact (and yes it IS indeed listed on his paperwork in the school files, as are ALL of his mental health problems/issues) that he has Sensory Processing issues. And guess what? THAT may very well be the ACTUAL culprit at hand as to why he *supposedly* acted out and had a meltdown.

The Master Gardners Association is at the school this morning and apparently there is A LOT of people in the cafeteria for this, with A LOT of different noises, sights and voices all going at one time. That amounts to WAY TOO MUCH for Bryce to take in all at one time.

No medication will help that! NOTHING. That is a sensory issue with the brain that NO drug will "help". I'm sick of my kids' school thinking that ANY "mental health medication" will be the CURE ALL as to help the teachers and school staff to "handle" these kids. The damn pills are NOT the complete answer, nor is it the ONLY way to "help" these kids meet their FULLEST potential.

WORKING WITH THEM, be it one-on-one or in groups within the classrooms, ALONG WITH the "aid" of the medications is the "cure all" to helping children with various mentally incapacitating disorders/disabilities. Not just to "drug them up" as to SHUT THEM UP.

If I could I would at least pull Bryce out of the Public Schools system and either place him in a Private School setting or even better yet, Home School. But I refuse to Home School for various reasons. One is the patience factor and the point that at some point, I would not have the knowledge to keep going with teaching.

This school has known of ALL of his problems since day one. And legally he DOES meet the requirements for Specialized Services. But their excuses of not complying with the law is that his Academic scores, which meet or even exceed standards for his grade level do not "permit" him to have even simple Requests for Adjustments met. Like isolation for test-taking or even having the help of Day Treatment for times like what *supposedly* happened today.

Now, I am even closer to, if not actually ready to contact the offices of the Disability Rights Advocacy Group in Richmond, Virginia. My son and I have been bullied and passed up long enough.

Losing Big Papa... The Aftermath

Now the real healing begins. For all of us. Yesterday, we had my children's Great-Grandfather's Funeral and Burial.

To say it was hard to go through is probably an understatement. I was doing good at the church until they wheeled Papa past me on the way out of the church. And I fell apart as Taps was playing and he received a 3-Gun Salute for his service in the US Air Force during WW2.

Being that Bryce stayed with one of my niece's that he is close to during the Chapel Service, he was calm but of course trying to take it all in as best as he could.

Then, he rode with his Daddy to the cemetery instead of me and the girls and Grandma. He needed his father and his Uncle. At this point it finally REALLY hit home what was taking place. True he KNOWS what death is. But he has NEVER been to a funeral and seen the true magnitude of how it LOOKS from his eyes.

At one point Bryce and his little sister came to me at the grave site. Once I started truly getting the full effect of my grief (Taps), Bryce looked up at me, patted me on the back and he too started crying.

Most times, Bryce has to be given "emotional cues" because his brain doesn't react to things (emotionally) in the "normal" sense you or I would have them. His brain cannot process and compute his surroundings as quickly as you or I can. It takes his brain longer to "get it" and to know when it's okay to feel certain emotions and how. For that, he looks to those around him.

And this is exactly what happened as we stood in heavy rain, saying our final farewell to a wonderful man who had loved his family so much and always put us all first (behind God).

As the kids, myself and my husband were getting ready to leave the water soaked grassy area, we said one last good-bye to the man that was a heavy influence to our family. It was bad enough listening to my youngest saying that she didn't want to leave Big Papa alone. But then Bryce too started to cry heavier and said he wished that we didn't have to leave Big Papa behind. I don't know which one of those two made my heart sink lower or give me a bigger lump in my throat.

Bryce was anxiety ridden most of the morning and part of the afternoon, before it was time to go to the Funeral. Like I thought would happen, he did a lot of "self hugging" and tugging of his jacket or shirt sleeves (comforting mechanism for self-soothing) and talking so fast that even Speedy Gonzales would have a time understanding him. And of course, due to the anxiety, talking about so many different things at random at once that you never (literally) knew what would pop out his mouth next..And let's not forget the CONSTANT walking and pacing.

But all in all, while he wasn't your "average" grieving child, he did VERY well under the circumstances. This was also his first funeral attendance. No pressure. He WANTED to go and he also WANTED to view his Big Papa laying in state. I'm proud of all three of my children. But I think Bryce made some HUGE steps yesterday, and I am so proud of him.

Children Like Mine Grieve Differently

My son isn't completely your "average, ordinary" kid. Sure, he does what most kids do in regards to playing outside, playing video games, watching goofy TV shows and other "normal" kid things.

But much of that is on a lower age level then those of his peers. Though he is finally out of the stage of still wanting to watch Playhouse Disney and the Srpout Channel (which he did up until the age of 8 years old).

Three years ago, two of my kids (Bryce and his older sister) got their first "taste" of real life, and the fact that we don't live forever and that those that we love will die one day.

Back then, I only took Hayley (the oldest) with us to the Funeral services. It was her first time seeing a person who passed away laying in state. For the most part, under the circumstances, she did quite well.

Now, tomorrow she will witness the burial of her Great-Grandfather, whom she was quite fond of. And so was Bryce. He will be now attending his first Funeral service.

With him, we have been preparing him for WEEKS of the impending death of their "Big Papa". Yes, there were lots of questions. My husband and I answered best as we could.

Sunday night is when Scott's grandfather passed. And while the two older ones were shook up and in a state of denile and shock, they took it better than I thought that they would.

The next morning though, is when all of that changed. And overnight, my son had changed. I guess from all the pent up grief from the night before.

While most children his age would just fall apart, crying and either go off to be alone or wish to be held as they began their grieving process, Bryce was "showing himself" in a way I had not seen in a very long time.

You see, one of his problems is a processing disorder. His brain doesn't take emotional overload very well, or sensory messages that are too great or too many to deal with at once. And this is apparently what had happened.

And the end result was a nine-year-old boy throwing, hitting, screaming, yelling and crying all at once. It was a classic Manic Episode in full form. Only this time unlike most others, I knew where this one was stemming from. Normally they just "hit" without real warning or cause. While indeed, it was without warning, I was able to figure out the cause pretty fast.

I'd chalked it up to the grief of what we told him the night before just all spilling out at once. But then, it happened on the next morning as well. While I still figured it was the grieving coming out, seeing as they had been too busy otherwise to "really think about it all", I'd had enough. I too have been at the end of my emotional rope.

After day two of this volatile display of emotion, I flat out told Bryce that if this is how he was going to be, then there was NO way he was going to be allowed to attend the Funeral. I said that this was NOT the way that we display our hurt. Especially not there.

And like I flipped a switch within him somehow, he stopped. Yes, he was still crying, but it was more of an "age appropriate" crying and being upset.

Kids with processing and sensory disorders deal with things so much differently than neurotypical children. What may not mean the end of the world to us, and seem quite trivial is equivalent to the world crashing down around them and that the sky is falling.

So when something such as the death of a close friend or family member occurs, their already shaky emotional and mental stability can indeed worsen. And a myriad of emotion can spill out all at once, and along with it come some not-so desired behaviors.

**Also as a side note, I would like to thank our cousin Tara. She was the ONLY one out of all the family that know of Bryce's problems to ask how Bryce was doing and handling HIS loss.

Now I can see indeed why I picked her as the God Parent of my kids. She truly is concerned for their welfare and never forgets to ask about them. Especially my son. Thank you Tara!**

Psychological Effects From A Robbery

On Saturday, February 12th, my home was broken in to. Thankfully, none of us were home at the time of the robbery. I don't care about the money that was taken. And even if more than money was stolen, I wouldn't care about that either. What I DO care about is the psychological effects that it has had on my three children. Especially my son.

Both of the girls are handling things okay. For the most part. They get a little more antsy and jumpy if Dad has to work a late shift. But my son is worried, jumpy and scared of WHEN IT DOES, not IF it happens again.

Now any and every little bump or creak, primarily at night has him practically jumping out of bed (and his skin), begging for the answer to "what was THAT?!?".

In his little mind, which was already in a CONSTANT speed of thought before the robbery took place is now constantly thinking of WHEN IT DOES happen again and has been hatching different "plans of action" for if it happens if we happen to be home, and without Dad around.

It's bad enough he has an Anxiety Disorder. But this makes it a bit worse with his already-constant worrying.

It's no secret in my home that I have young children. Not with books, toys and pictures strewn all over the place on shelves, table tops and in boxes.

Instead of the person thinking about the FACT of there being SMALL children in the victim's home, they ONLY thought of themselves, the money, and the DRUGS that they were wanting to score.

The perp(s) not only rifled through MY bedroom, the living room, and even my laundry room, but also through my daughter's purse (thankfully she had her money on her that night) and both of the kid's bedrooms looking for money.

They did NOT just violate me, my psyche and my things. They violated my children! Now all three of them are worried of there being a next time. Though the girls are dealing with it much better. Sure Bryce could be A LOT worse with his anxiety level being even higher than normal. But it's worse enough.

They took away my children's innocence, security, safety and psychological ease when they took the money.

And now, the Walgreen's up the street the other night was robbed. ONLY OF MONEY. Strange. My husband and I strongly wonder if by chance the guy that was arrested for that was OUR robber as well. Being that in BOTH places, he only wanted cash. And in BOTH places, there are some "good" prescription drugs that he COULD HAVE taken to get high with, but did NOT. Only wanted the cash both at the Drug Store and here in my house. And he is built like a man that could have kicked my kitchen door in, that was BOLT locked, only to tear one side of the door frame clean off.

Do the math. If it DOES happen to be him, heck yes, I'm pressing charges. And not JUST for robbery.

Starting Point.. His life. My life. *OUR* life.

My son. Where to start? First of all, he is smooshed between two sisters. There are times I can see in his face that being stuck in the middle of two girls, one with raging hormones is just a tad too... nuts.

When he was four years old, I knew something was really off. I'd seen some odd behaviors before then. Actually when he was a newborn. For the first three months of his life, he only would sleep in his car seat. He hated being held unless it was to be fed or changed. Everything HAD TO BE on his terms.

But at the age of four, things were really very peculiar. He would "order" things. Anything he could get a hold of. Books, CD's, toys. You name it, he ordered it in odd ways. Everything had to line up perfectly, be color coordinated or "numbered right". Sometimes all of the above.

Then, I came to note that he rarely if ever made eye contact. When he did, it was for only a few seconds at a time. Even these days, to get him to really look you in the eyes as you speak to him can be a chore.

His hyperness was another "abnormal" thing I noted. As was his violent tendencies. I'm talking "watch your back" violent moments.

Of course, I kept on FEELING something was quite wrong with my child. Compared to his big sister, he was just completely off the hook. I honestly at times feared for my life. And for a year, I pushed to have him tested for ADHD, being his activity primarily fit that specification.

After at least three repeated attempts, his Primary Care doctor REFUSED to let him be tested. So I forced them to give me a referral to a specialized group of Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Therapists that specialized in Mental Disorders and Illnesses.

Finally, after the testing was all said and done and the Psychiatrist and Psychologist really got to see my son in action...quirks and all, there was an official diagnosis. Actually, more than one.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Sensory Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Manic Depression, and the real shocker, Bipolar Disorder (which for now is labeled as Mood Disorder due to his age of only nine years old).

As of now, he is on Vyvanse and Intuniv for the ADHD, and on Seroquel for everything else, including as a sleep aide.

Believe me, as his mother, and a mother to two other children, I can and do have my days. Some days, he and I are seemingly at one another's throats. Other days, it's as if he is having a "moment" of clarity. Those are the days I cherish, since they are seemingly far and few between.

After reading this, I hope you will join me on my journey of documentation of his life as a child with mental disabilities (being that they DO impact his social, behavior, maturity and daily living skills/abilities) and maybe gain some knowledge of what life is like for kids like him and the parents like myself that care for and love them.

Until next time...