Head Games

I'm still on my "hiatus", but needed to come here to vent and let off a bit of steam.

All of last week, while B was getting up and going to Day Camp with the Behavior Therapists from where he gets his mental health treatment, everything was great. It was a REALLY good week for him all the way around. Both there and at home.

Somewhere along the line, on Sunday though, it all changed. I can't say as to why, when during the day, or how. But B spiraled out of control.

There were no problems at church (first time back in about two years, almost) during Sunday School or Sermon. It was starting as we had to wait for my husband to get us (has poison oak and didn't want to share). Smart answered, yelling at me, walking off, non-compliant.

It only got worse from there. At home. Picking on his little sister. Yelling at her and at my husband. Kicking things, tossing things or knocking them to the floor.

Then Monday comes around. One problem for yesterday was he was out of his Vyvanse (had his last pill Sunday before church). But he was pretty good in the morning, getting up, dressing, calm and pretty manageable. Even with the bus being almost 40 minutes late.

By 2:00 in came he dreaded call. What he did Sunday, he did at camp on Monday, too. I let her know that he can't get any Vyvanse until this morning and that Sunday was JUST as bad, WITH the medicine.

Last night after he got home, about 3:00 and on until he had to go to bed early, was no picnic either. Same crap, different time of the day.

Why do I always get my hopes up? Why do I always think "hey, it's getting better, let's hope it stays that way", only for this shit to happen within HOURS of saying it. It's as if I jinx or curse myself EVERY single time. Because as soon as I see and verbally note a POSITIVE turn around, he reverts back to the same-old-same-old.

By evening, I just wanted to go off somewhere alone and cry my eyeballs out, scream, hit something...anything. I'm tired of this roller coaster with my kid. I have two others that need me to attend to them, too. But when B gets like this, ALL the attention is put on him as to ensure everyone (and everything, including animals) are safe from his wrath and destructive patterns.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the diseases. I'm sick of his mood and personality changes..I don't PMS as hard as this boy seemingly does! I'm sick of others "handling" my kid, when it's MY job, but basically am NOT allowed to "correct" theirs. I'm tired of family that just doesn't seem to get it, that NO amount of "spanking" will make him "shape up". I'm just sick of ALL of it. And sometimes, all of them...And him.

If that makes me a bad person or mother, then oh well. At least I haven't walked out on him or my family over it all. Most people would. I can't. I won't, no matter how much at times I wish I could just toss my hands up and say "I'm DONE!".

And so he got approved...Sorta.

Finally. I had received the "Pre-Authorization" notice for Bryce to go to Day Treatment Day Camp for the summer. I had practically crawled up his Case Manager's hind end as to know when I was to get the paper work. After several weeks asking about this paperwork to fill out, she FINALLY tells me that Medicaid is "doing things different this year and pre-authing" the clients". Nice! Thanks for telling me after WEEKS of speculation.

So, I get my copy in the mail last week. He got approved alright! For "Mental Health Partial Hospitalization" due to it being "Medically Necessary And Approved as Requested".

Stupid insurance formalities! I am NOT placing my kid in a Psych Ward. He is going to be in a Summer Camp with other kids with problems and disabilities as he too has.

In the Day Treatment Day Camp setting, they not only do fun things like crafts and go to various places. They learn the tools (or are re-taught, if they have "forgotten") to help them have better social and behavioral skills. And they even receive therapy on-site at least once a week. And they learn how to better form and interact in friendships.

Most of these kids don't have any real friends. Why? Because of their "quirks", like being so short tempered, their ability to ramble on about one certain thing, not letting others speak or they get cut off because our kids have yet to master the social cues of when to "talk and when to shut up". Or they have visible tics that scare other kids from interacting with the one affected.

At least at the Day Treatment Day Camp, EVERYONE is equal. There is no shunning. They feel safe and comfortable. And if their "quirks" decide to shine, that's okay. Even the negative ones. But they will get assistance in trying to "deal" with the more negative aspects of the times where being good is just a little bit more hard than most days for them.

But one little hitch is still in the plan. Where in the world is my paperwork to OFFICIALLY place him in to the Summer Camp? I guess I will get to make the lovely call (again!) to ask his (new..as in new to being one) Case Manager once more about getting the papers to fill out and give permission to be in the Day Treatment setting.

It's only about two weeks away. So they best give me my papers to sign. Or else, if she cannot do her job properly, I will have to report her to Bryce's old CM, who is now in charge of the CM staffing.

And I REALLY hate "tattling" on people, only to get them in to trouble. But by golly! They need to do their job and do it in a TIMELY manner. Yes, there are other kids besides mine that they help and I duly understand this. But I appreciate equal time and concern for my kid as well, along with the other patients.

Doing Things Different This Time.

I'd gotten a call out of the blue from Bryce's Case Manager over at Child And Family Services (where he gets his therapies as needed, and sees his Psychiatrist).

Before leaving from his appointment earlier in the month, I once more mentioned to be sure to let me know about Day Treatment Day Camp. I skipped last year as to give Bryce a "break". This year, that mistake will NOT happen again.

Plus, Bryce enjoys going! Hr goes to different places. And it's all-expense paid by the funds received by Day Treatment.

Medicaid picks up the tab for my child to go. Federal Grants and community donations help fund the various activities.

Not only does my son get to do fun things Monday through Friday, but he receives the help of a trained staff in behavioral issues, and talks with a registered Psychiatrist or Psychologist once a week.

But apparently (according to the Case Manager), things are going to be a tad bit different. In a GOOD way!

Those that pick which students are in need of Day Treatment services during the school year will be there to watch the kids that are NOT being served within the school setting (including MY kid) and observing them to see if indeed they can qualify for help and to get the ball rolling.

Two years now, two teachers agreed that Bryce needed extra help in the classroom. Behavior management, primarily. He's been disruptive of others, non-compliant at times, not staying on task or being well organized. And I can only do so much from home. And the teacher herself can only do so much individually with him, seeing as there is a minimum of 18 kids in her class that ALL demand attention at some point.

Even if he can get assistance via the Day Treatment Therapist for an hour a day, or every couple of days, I think, and truly believe that it would make a tremendous amount of difference.

And my hope is that when all is said and done with the summer's Day Treatment Camp and the observances made, that Bryce will be one of the ones that will be selected for the extra help.

Though, I must admit, it's a bit hard at times to stay positive or optimistic about things such as this. After being shot down, ran over, screwed over and flat-out denied so many times, it can sometimes be difficult to stay in that positive frame of mind. Especially since I have yet to be able to fill out the papers to place Bryce in DTC.