The Perfect Night That Wasn't

Last night's trip to the mall was an embarrassment. Even Dad had a hard time with B. My oldest wanted to go to a few shops with her Christmas money. So we made it a (supposed to be) nice family outing. Dinner at Golden Corral and then the River Ridge Mall.

Even the restaurant thing kinda went downhill. But the mall trip was worse.

At the restaurant, he would barely sit in his seat, was boisterous and loud. He while in a happy mood at the time (which I AM thankful for) notably bothered certain surrounding customers with his "antics". It was almost like the viewing of things to come. And that was the MILD part of the evening.

Like I said, the mall was FAR worse.

He was running around, trying to get (way) too far ahead of us, walking BACKWARDS or spinning as we walked in the semi-crowded areas of the mall.

As we were ending our night in Sears, where we had initially parked, anyways, it was BAD. Constantly handling things, running in to and hiding in racks, running off and "escaping" down in to other areas of the general area that I was at.

It got so bad in Sears, that at one point, I grabbed him by his shirt collar and held on for dear life. Of course then I was "choking" him and he was almost yelling for me to let go. I am SOOO thankful that barely a customer was in that area.

He also tried to go out the "merchandise pick up" door just off from the girls/baby section. And of course, I stayed there with him and the older one, who was still shopping as Dad took the younger one to use the toilet.

I honest cannot say what got in to him to be so freaking high strung. But good Lord, I was sure that someone was gonna call CPS on me for "man handling" my kid as a means to corral him.

Oh! And he almost knocked over a couple of displays or hit people as he walked backwards AND spinning. Both in Sears and in the mall area its self.

It was just a washout of an evening. All thanks to one kid and his actions. What was meant to be a NICE family outing, turned in to a chaotic nightmare for all (as in the two sisters and myself and Dad).

*Vent over*

Case Manager Mismanagement

Yesterday, I had to drag my family out in to the unseasonably hot Summer heat to take B to his yearly check up. All went well, though he cried like Hoover Dam when he got two shots in his bony arm.

Then, it was off to brunch at a Biscutville in the area where the doctor is (next town over from us)being that only one of us five ate any breakfast. No, it wasn't the boy, the mom, the dad or even the big sister. You got it. Littlest one was smart enough to eat BEFORE we were to leave.

Then, it was off to Child and Family Services, where B has his Case Management and his Psychiatric appointments. I stopped in to drop off the Medication Dispersal sheet for school, being he has to have backup of Vyvanse there, just in case. And while there, I was able to meet up with the CM to sign the needed papers for the next six months to a year (depending on the information).

At one point, she got to talking to B about his not eating and how even skinnier he looks from the last time she had seen him (about a month ago).

This is where the trouble began. And where my "Mama Bear" came out, claws ready.

At one point of the "eating" conversation, I"stepped in" and noted that now, I am seeing troubling signs of his (non)eating habits starting to spill over to his LITTLE sister. She is EXTREMELY picky, just like him. She "bird pecks" most of her meals, just like him. And she is not willing to try foods, just like him.

Needless to say, I got the "you shouldn't compare B to S, and you need to concentrate on B. And I am ONLY going to concentrate on B"...Excuse me? PART OF YOUR JOB is to oversee the needs of the FAMILY, not JUST the client him/herself. And I have LEGITIMATE concerns that ultimately affect my ENTIRE family.

Mind you, I was signing papers that she was LATE getting to the proper areas, but was "hunting" me down to get them signed. Some were back from APRIL. The others were CURRENT paperwork. I even back-dated the older ones (to save her from getting in to trouble).

If what she said about one of my kids being more important over the other was said BEFORE I started placing my "John Hancock", I would have dated the OLD forms for YESTERDAYS date, just to be a bitch.

And I have seriously considered contacting B's former CM who is now HER boss and ask if what she said was correct and/or acceptable. I addressed concerns for BOTH "her client" and for HIS little sister. It wasn't until I said anything, that HE finally got it and is now seeing how HIS habits are affecting others in the home.

Head Games

I'm still on my "hiatus", but needed to come here to vent and let off a bit of steam.

All of last week, while B was getting up and going to Day Camp with the Behavior Therapists from where he gets his mental health treatment, everything was great. It was a REALLY good week for him all the way around. Both there and at home.

Somewhere along the line, on Sunday though, it all changed. I can't say as to why, when during the day, or how. But B spiraled out of control.

There were no problems at church (first time back in about two years, almost) during Sunday School or Sermon. It was starting as we had to wait for my husband to get us (has poison oak and didn't want to share). Smart answered, yelling at me, walking off, non-compliant.

It only got worse from there. At home. Picking on his little sister. Yelling at her and at my husband. Kicking things, tossing things or knocking them to the floor.

Then Monday comes around. One problem for yesterday was he was out of his Vyvanse (had his last pill Sunday before church). But he was pretty good in the morning, getting up, dressing, calm and pretty manageable. Even with the bus being almost 40 minutes late.

By 2:00 in came he dreaded call. What he did Sunday, he did at camp on Monday, too. I let her know that he can't get any Vyvanse until this morning and that Sunday was JUST as bad, WITH the medicine.

Last night after he got home, about 3:00 and on until he had to go to bed early, was no picnic either. Same crap, different time of the day.

Why do I always get my hopes up? Why do I always think "hey, it's getting better, let's hope it stays that way", only for this shit to happen within HOURS of saying it. It's as if I jinx or curse myself EVERY single time. Because as soon as I see and verbally note a POSITIVE turn around, he reverts back to the same-old-same-old.

By evening, I just wanted to go off somewhere alone and cry my eyeballs out, scream, hit something...anything. I'm tired of this roller coaster with my kid. I have two others that need me to attend to them, too. But when B gets like this, ALL the attention is put on him as to ensure everyone (and everything, including animals) are safe from his wrath and destructive patterns.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the diseases. I'm sick of his mood and personality changes..I don't PMS as hard as this boy seemingly does! I'm sick of others "handling" my kid, when it's MY job, but basically am NOT allowed to "correct" theirs. I'm tired of family that just doesn't seem to get it, that NO amount of "spanking" will make him "shape up". I'm just sick of ALL of it. And sometimes, all of them...And him.

If that makes me a bad person or mother, then oh well. At least I haven't walked out on him or my family over it all. Most people would. I can't. I won't, no matter how much at times I wish I could just toss my hands up and say "I'm DONE!".

Verbal Abuse/Assault. I'm tired of it.

Verbal assaults. Gotta love 'em. Yeah, I just LOVE getting yelled at by a ten year old. And over what are seemingly mundane things.

Like getting up for school and being told that I will NOT "cater" to his every whim as if he is a two year old.

This merry-go-round is getting to be an insanely OLD ride. I want to get the hell off the damn thing.

Why me? Why am I to be the "lucky" one to be bombarded in this manner? I'm just completely TIRED of this shit.

All I hear from Bryce is that he is a "tween" and is ten years old. And that he is a "big boy" now.

But each time he acts the way he did this morning, I remind him that he is NOT acting his age and that for being a "tween", he being more like a "toddler".

I came THIS close to back handing him in the face for being so verbally abusive to me. Telling me to shut up and to not tell him what to do. And for yelling at me for MAKING HIM get up for school.

Now, for the next 4 to 8 weeks, he will be WITHOUT his Nintendo DS, computer time and be in bed by nine o'clock EVERY night (including the weekend). If he keeps pushing me, it's going to be moved back to 8:30 or even eight PM.

I'm at a point where if this crap doesn't change, and soon, I'll seek out a detention home or a group facility for the behaviorally challenged (which there IS one or two in our area for kids with these types of special needs).

I deserve better than this. So do the girls. We should NOT be subjected (almost daily) to verbal assaults and threats. Nor should we be getting physically harmed due to my son's lack of control.

If your child is on MEDICATIONS, read this *NOW* and learn from my problem.

I'd initially wrote this post on my main blog page, "The (Not Always) Happy Homemaker Diary", but also wish to share it with you readers here as well. Mind you, this took place yesterday/last night.

If I could, I would have this shooting out of my head..

And have these shooting from my eyes...

Why?

Because, for the now third or fourth time, my local Walgreen's Pharmacist has messed up. It's one thing to miscount the number of pills. It's also one thing to not even fill one of them. Heck, it's even one thing to place your child's medications in the WRONG "filled and ready to go" bins.

But when your "mistake" at reading the prescription goes as far as one, filling it with the WRONG refill number, as well as with the WRONG DOSE, that is when I am DONE.

And that is also when I write to Corporate Office, and to the District Office, and to the Local Store. Yep. Every single level of Walgreen's got a copy of my letter of complaint about this "mix up".

The medications that my child is on are pretty "powerful" and can have some pretty bad side effects if given wrong. The one that was completely dispensed wrong can hurt his Blood Pressure or even his heart.

What SHOULD HAVE BEEN 2 mg. of a dose at 2 refills was ACTUALLY FILLED as 3 mg. dose with 3 refills.

How does someone read a "copy" wrong? When in doubt CALL THE DOCTOR that prescribed the medication, THEN proceed to fill it. It's not rocket science.

Please, my readers, for your safety and for the safety of your family, especially your children, READ LABELS on the medication bottles. Every time. No matter how many times you filled the same medication.

Here is a copy of my letter to all of the branches of Wallgreen's...

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm writing to complain about the (now) third or fourth "accident" in regards to my son's medications being improperly filled.

My nine-year-old is on medications that can have a great impact on his heart and his blood pressure.

His Intuniv was filled COMPLETELY wrong. I was supposed to have 2 mg dose with 2 refills. Instead I received 3 mg dose and 3 refills.

I cannot tell who had filled my son's medications last night, seeing as you do not have your Pharmacists place their names on the prescriptions that they are having to fill. That alone to me, is discouraging. Because I now cannot tell you in fact WHO ACTUALLY filled my child's medications.

At this time I am NOT "taking my business else where", but do know that I will NOT be talking very kindly about your store, and especially not in regards to this branch.

When filling medications, it means that your staff is literally holding their customer's/patient's lives in their hands. Including children.

Thank you,
Melissa C

Things WILL be changing around here!

When is enough truly enough? It's when you constantly hear your son ask you why his sisters get to go on overnight trips with extended family members, but he is NEVER invited.

With the exception of one.

So, as of last night, I told my husband that after this upcoming weekend getaway that Hayley will have with my oldest niece, there will be NO MORE over-nighters for ANY of the three kids. Except for with the one certain family member.

No one knows of this yet, seeing as the ONLY one to know of my decision is my husband, who did not dare fight me on it, seeing as he has been heart sick over the "treatment" (or lack there of) of our son.

Oh I am 100% positive that they LOVE my child. But love is NOT just about the three words, 'I LOVE YOU'. It's also shown and even spoken of through ACTION.

They can all tell my kid that they love him until they are blue in the face and he gets sick to death of hearing it. What he is BEGGING for, yearning for is for it to be SHOWN to him.

He wants to have the same opportunity as his sisters get. And that is to have fun times with his cousins, aunts and uncles.

But of course that means having to take responsibility for his care. This means having constant contact with him for an entire night and at least part of an entire day.

And without even telling me, they are in some way SCARED of him and what he is capable of. When he has an episode, anything can happen.

Well damn! I deal with that shit EVERY single day. And guess what? I STILL manage to have FUN with him. I still treat him as if he is just as "normal" as any other person.

It'd be REALLY nice to have a damned break. I don't get that. Rarely enough do I with the girls. But NEVER (but once in a blue moon with the one family member) where Bryce is concerned.

So this is why after this weekend, NONE of my kids will be allowed to have sleepovers at other family members' homes. I see it like this.. If you can't take ALL THREE (either individually or together) from time to time, then you should NOT get ANY of my children.

And also, I have decided that just because I am a Stay-Home Mom, I am NO LONGER watching ANY of the kids in the family, except for the one who's willing to take my son from time to time.

I'm tired of being a damn door mat. And I'm tired of being used and having one of my kids pushed out because he is "different".

When it's a friend doing this shit, it's one thing. Still hurtful, but not as heart breaking. When it's family, that's a whole other ball game.

Readers/Followers... (Yeah, I'm pretty upset!)

Okay, I think I need to nip this in the bud. Right here. Right now.

I do NOT do the "I followed you/follow me back" crap. That is NOT the way I roll. If I decide to click on your profile and check out your blog, I will. But without ANY pushing.

This blog is not my way to get a bunch of "followers" that are only doing the above 'game'. I want REAL readers/followers of this blog.

Why? Because the subject matter of THIS blog is REAL.

It is NOT a game.

Mental illnesses and disorders are not things that are to be triffled and played with. Their causes are real. Their affects are real.

And PERSONALLY, I feel that those of you that do the copy/paste shit with no intention of reading the posts, only out to get more "readers" are not only disrespecting me, but you are also disrespecting my son and our family.

So be warned....

If you are going to "follow" then do so. And READ what the realities REALLY are for my child, us as a family, and MILLIONS of other kids and their families that are dealing with mental illness.