The Perfect Night That Wasn't

Last night's trip to the mall was an embarrassment. Even Dad had a hard time with B. My oldest wanted to go to a few shops with her Christmas money. So we made it a (supposed to be) nice family outing. Dinner at Golden Corral and then the River Ridge Mall.

Even the restaurant thing kinda went downhill. But the mall trip was worse.

At the restaurant, he would barely sit in his seat, was boisterous and loud. He while in a happy mood at the time (which I AM thankful for) notably bothered certain surrounding customers with his "antics". It was almost like the viewing of things to come. And that was the MILD part of the evening.

Like I said, the mall was FAR worse.

He was running around, trying to get (way) too far ahead of us, walking BACKWARDS or spinning as we walked in the semi-crowded areas of the mall.

As we were ending our night in Sears, where we had initially parked, anyways, it was BAD. Constantly handling things, running in to and hiding in racks, running off and "escaping" down in to other areas of the general area that I was at.

It got so bad in Sears, that at one point, I grabbed him by his shirt collar and held on for dear life. Of course then I was "choking" him and he was almost yelling for me to let go. I am SOOO thankful that barely a customer was in that area.

He also tried to go out the "merchandise pick up" door just off from the girls/baby section. And of course, I stayed there with him and the older one, who was still shopping as Dad took the younger one to use the toilet.

I honest cannot say what got in to him to be so freaking high strung. But good Lord, I was sure that someone was gonna call CPS on me for "man handling" my kid as a means to corral him.

Oh! And he almost knocked over a couple of displays or hit people as he walked backwards AND spinning. Both in Sears and in the mall area its self.

It was just a washout of an evening. All thanks to one kid and his actions. What was meant to be a NICE family outing, turned in to a chaotic nightmare for all (as in the two sisters and myself and Dad).

*Vent over*

Monday, Monday..

Well, I can say it hasn't happened for a while. But when it does, it can be pretty bad. And yesterday was no exception to the rule.

There are days where Bryce just all out snaps. Like a proverbial twig. And it can happen at ANY moment, over even the most seemingly of mundane of things.

This happened to be over something his older sister had said and the fact he wasn't "first" for the computer. From there, it was all out war.

After he said what he did, which in turn made her cry as she hid in the bathroom (she is my first from a previous marriage), I said he owed her an apology, and that there would be no computer.

Then, finally he DID apologize but EXPECTED to still get computer time. Nope! So this again sent him over the edge. He started stomping, screaming at the top of his lungs, lashing out (literally) at his sisters (even though the youngest did NOTHING to him).

Finally his physically violent temper tantrum came to a head as he screamed bloody murder. That's when I had to use a technique that I haven't used in quite a while.

A bear hug. And believe me, for being so tiny looking, he is hell on wheels to hold when his mental state goes in to high gear like this.

It took me all I had to hold him from behind, as he struggled to break free of me as he squirmed, banged the back of his head at me and was kicking to get free.

As he kept on, I told him I REFUSED to let go until he stopped the screaming, crying, hitting and kicking. I have to be VERY specific of what I want from him in these times of "frustration".

After about three minutes of the hold (at least I think it was only three minutes, but who's counting?) Bryce had calmed down enough to let him go. But before I did, I again had to reiterate that he indeed was NOT getting computer time, and if he went in to a tangent again, that I again would INDEED place him in another bear hug.

Later on in the day, he said (being I was giving him a Vyvanse break for the day, but it does NOT control his mood and volatile side, just the problems with the ADHD like attention and focus) that being he did not have his medicine, that he lost his "control".

This has been an on-going battle/issue with us. Bryce has brought himself to believe that ONLY with his medication, can he "be a good boy", that it's NOT in HIS control to do so, but his medicines' control.

This scares me. A lot. And all of the time. I sound like a broken record at this point, when I tell him that it is NOT the medicines that make him have self control, but BRYCE (as in HIMSELF) that has the self control capability.

But his mind has been self-taught to BELIEVE that without the medicines, he is not in control of his own self, or is responsible for his negative actions, behaviors, thoughts or words.

So, now I'm at a crossroad. Which way do I turn? I highly suspect at this point, he is ADDICTED to at least one of his medicines. He can't seem to "live" without them now. And at nine years old, that is NOT a good sign to me.

We are to see his Psychiatrist on Friday. And I indeed plan on broaching this problem. I'm very tempted to start taking away the medications. At least temporarily. Even if it means committing him to do so, as to keep all involved safe, so that they can see what exact drug of the three is the root of the problem.

While the medications DO work and ARE helping (to a great extent), Bryce HAS TO realize that it is NOT the drugs' job to make him "be a good kid", but himself.

Sometimes, I wonder why him... And this is certainly one of those time.