On The Merry-Go-Round We Go!..Again.

Well, another appointment has come and gone. Another one minus his Case Manager. THIS time, due to a death in the family.

First of all, we talked about B.'s medications and his eating "habits" of BARELY eating. Especially since again, he has lost weight and is showing the visible signs of it.

So, the doctor and I have decided to cut back some on his Vyvanse by 20 mgs. I will be placing the contents of the entire capsule in to a glass of water, pour out 2 ounces of a 7 oz. glass, then have him drink the other 5 oz. of water to consume 50 mg. of the medicine. I should know in a couple of weeks of doing this if it was the right move.

As for the Seroquel and the Intuniv, they are staying at the same dose of 50 mg. and 2 mg. amounts.

If push comes to shove, I will strongly consider a drug that is used in cancer patients to induce hunger and the wanting to eat. This would hopefully counter the unwillingness to eat and help him gain his weight and proper amount of muscle mass back.

His spinning/walking backwards is apparently a compulsive problem. He does this a lot. Like in Sears and the mall, where he almost knocked some things over and almost hit in to people.

And I found out that the noises and the sniffling (constantly most times) is a couple of tics that he has developed. But I cannot say for certain that it is medication-induced, or brain-induced tics. I think that at the next appointment in April (or was that March?), I will ask about that.

Also, his nose bleeds have been more active.

The highlight to all of this? He hasn't been getting in to AS MUCH trouble in school as of late, with his behavior. Homework and attention? Still not that great. But we are working on it.

Spanking a Disabled Child vs Not Spanking & Punishment In General; SN vs NT Kids

I'm a spanking parent. I have spanked my son as needed through the years. Of course, he is of an age and height that I have been able to find other means of punishment (like taking toys/games/computer time away). But the youngest who is 7 years old, though a rare thing, still gets spanked IF the "punishment fits the crime".

I have a friend on FaceBook who had been faced with a dilemma. Her child is three years old, disabled, and has yet to be diagnosed with Autism or any other mental delays. The other day at a family function, her husband had spanked their daughter for BITING, as well as hitting. And not a child, but another adult.

Her husband works a lot at his second shift job and only really sees the child on the weekends.

Mom isn't much on spanking, but Dad is. And when the little girl bit and hit the adult, the Dad got a hold of his daughter and spanked her for her actions. Needless to say, Mom wasn't pleased with how he handled the situation. She said it was more about the embarrassment of it happening in front of the family than anything else.

After hearing (or shall I say, reading) everything, I stated that the Mom can't really be mad at him. If he isn't able to be there due to working a lot, then he hasn't had the time (or maybe even the energy) to be TAUGHT (by her) of what works best with their daughter. You cannot just "assume" he SHOULD know how to help handle her, when he isn't there a lot of the time to learn by watching, listening or hands-on.

She needs to (calmly) approach him when they are BOTH free to get together, and talk with him and teach him what works best with your child. If she doesn't take the time to voice to him what works/doesn't work, then he won't know the BEST options of how to punish/redirect/handle his child.

In time, she will learn the differences of when it's her daughter just being a typical kid getting in to trouble, and between it REALLY being the disability showing through.

But even for as long as I have known the lowdown on my kid, I STILL have moments of wondering which way it is really swinging. In the end though, I try really, REALLY hard to NOT use the "he is disabled and has a lot of problems" excuse with him.

He is treated, talked to, and (most of the time) interacted with on the same level as his sisters. As in, he gets in to trouble just as much as they do.

I don't let my kid use his disabilities as an excuse 100% of the time. If I do/did, then HE would think that he can get out of trouble ALL of the time.

To me, he is just as "normal" as his nutty sisters are. He is just more matter-of-fact and sensitive emotionally than the girls.

I sometimes get HIGHLY embarrassed due to my son's actions, reactions and behaviors. No doubt. But even then, you cannot always "excuse" their behavior on their disabilities.

You have to learn and KEEP a balance between typical kid and disabled kid. Or else, they WILL grow up to think that they can (some literally) get away with murder.

And don't EVER be embarrassed to defuse a situation (such as biting and hitting someone) in front of others. I have done it on many occasions and WON'T be afraid to do so in the future, if need be.

You just need to find that balance, and the key to successful behavior management where child's concerned. Because they are unique individuals, and what works for me or any of the other parents, may not necessarily work for YOUR child, and you BOTH as their parents. There MUST be a middle ground that is firmly established.

Believe me when I say that I have had to (literally) peel my son off of one of his sisters as he bit them and used them for a punching bag. Seriously injuring the baby when she WAS a baby (bruises and a bonked head from being shoved off a toddler bed). Over NOTHING at all. Just got it in himself to start beating the holy hell out of her.

I don't care if a person spanks or not. When it comes to hitting and biting, you MUST take care of the problem RIGHT THEN. Not later in the day. Be it if the child is one year old or 15 years old. Biting and hitting, especially an adult, or a child YOUNGER than the one doing the hitting/biting, is a huge "no-no" that has NO excuses.

In that instance, wrong is wrong. No matter the reason. No matter the mental capacity. No matter if the child is "normal" or "disabled".

My philosophy is, if my "normal brained" girls are NOT allowed to behave in a certain manner (hitting, biting, stealing, cursing), then neither is my "mentally challenged" son.

How is honestly fair for me to excuse the actions of the one, and not of the two? That can and will build up resentment in his sisters against their brother, and against me if I was to excuse everything on the basis of his diagnoses.

Every single day it is indeed a struggle to find THAT balance between "normal childhood" behavior, and "disability-driven" behaviors. Some things though, should be no-brainer behaviors that no matter the mental capacity, should NEVER be tolerated or excused due to said disability.

And like a fellow group member had stated, not everything will work with everyone, nor will everyone believe that corporal punishment should be utilized. I say if used CORRECTLY and in the right situations, it CAN be an effective tool.

But not every offense deserves having a spanking. Just like not every offense deserves a month-long grounding.

I think a lot of my views stem from my own childhood. I WAS a disabled child. And my dad treated me as a normal kid. My mom on the other hand "babied" me. And she did it so much, to such an extent, that it really did tarnish my childhood, and made me resent her later on in life, for YEARS. Even after she died.

There is a time to use the "disability card" (my name for it), and when NOT to. Most times, it was just me being a kid. But to her, I did NO wrong, even when it was clear that I WAS in the wrong. So, I never got in trouble (if I did by her, it was VERY rare) unless my dad was there. And then, I got what he felt I deserved. Yes, that did include a spanking here and there.

The more I recall it all, and the more I think on it, I truly believe I got myself in to trouble, especially around my dad as much as I did, was because I THRIVED on it. I felt like a "normal" little kid.

Head Games

I'm still on my "hiatus", but needed to come here to vent and let off a bit of steam.

All of last week, while B was getting up and going to Day Camp with the Behavior Therapists from where he gets his mental health treatment, everything was great. It was a REALLY good week for him all the way around. Both there and at home.

Somewhere along the line, on Sunday though, it all changed. I can't say as to why, when during the day, or how. But B spiraled out of control.

There were no problems at church (first time back in about two years, almost) during Sunday School or Sermon. It was starting as we had to wait for my husband to get us (has poison oak and didn't want to share). Smart answered, yelling at me, walking off, non-compliant.

It only got worse from there. At home. Picking on his little sister. Yelling at her and at my husband. Kicking things, tossing things or knocking them to the floor.

Then Monday comes around. One problem for yesterday was he was out of his Vyvanse (had his last pill Sunday before church). But he was pretty good in the morning, getting up, dressing, calm and pretty manageable. Even with the bus being almost 40 minutes late.

By 2:00 in came he dreaded call. What he did Sunday, he did at camp on Monday, too. I let her know that he can't get any Vyvanse until this morning and that Sunday was JUST as bad, WITH the medicine.

Last night after he got home, about 3:00 and on until he had to go to bed early, was no picnic either. Same crap, different time of the day.

Why do I always get my hopes up? Why do I always think "hey, it's getting better, let's hope it stays that way", only for this shit to happen within HOURS of saying it. It's as if I jinx or curse myself EVERY single time. Because as soon as I see and verbally note a POSITIVE turn around, he reverts back to the same-old-same-old.

By evening, I just wanted to go off somewhere alone and cry my eyeballs out, scream, hit something...anything. I'm tired of this roller coaster with my kid. I have two others that need me to attend to them, too. But when B gets like this, ALL the attention is put on him as to ensure everyone (and everything, including animals) are safe from his wrath and destructive patterns.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the diseases. I'm sick of his mood and personality changes..I don't PMS as hard as this boy seemingly does! I'm sick of others "handling" my kid, when it's MY job, but basically am NOT allowed to "correct" theirs. I'm tired of family that just doesn't seem to get it, that NO amount of "spanking" will make him "shape up". I'm just sick of ALL of it. And sometimes, all of them...And him.

If that makes me a bad person or mother, then oh well. At least I haven't walked out on him or my family over it all. Most people would. I can't. I won't, no matter how much at times I wish I could just toss my hands up and say "I'm DONE!".

Yes, Celebs To Can Have Mental Illnesses

Everyone is human that walks on two legs and speaks a language. This includes high profile politicos, those in the music business, athletes, and entertainers.

Entertainers such as Catherine Zeta-Jones included. She has Bipolar II Disorder.

Differences in Bipolar I and Bipolar II are...

Bipolar Type 1

The type 1 bipolar disorder is characterized based on the occurrence of at least one manic episode, with or without the occurrence of a major depressive episode. The mania in this diagnosis is full-blown. This abnormality would usually last for a week at the very least. But there are cases that the bipolar patient is required to be confined for more than a week if hospitalized.

Symptoms of this type include the following:

* Self-esteem is high and the patient possesses a great deal of confidence.

* Ambitious attitude is apparent in this state.

* There is the feeling of sleeplessness.

* The patient tends to talk excessively.

* The patient has a tendency to think more than the usual.

The danger of this type is that the patient may hallucinate, losing his grasp of reality. In some cases of bipolar type 1, the patient is diagnosed as psychotic. In some books about bipolar disorder, bipolar type 1 is also called the "raging" bipolar.

Bipolar Type 2

The bipolar type 2 disorder is characterized by the occurrence of at least one hypomania episode and one major depressive state. Sometimes, this type may even have occurrences of more depressive episodes.

In some cases, hypomania actually enables the individual to excel in their fields of expertise. The state of hypomania can be apparent in people that are top achievers in the work environment and at parties. The symptoms in hypomania are mostly positive and may run for about four days before it subsides.

Though its manifestation is obvious and can be observed clearly by other people, the "swinging" bipolar (as it is aptly called) doesn't cause any disruption in normal functional settings. It doesn't cause any hospitalization to a hyperactive person and doesn't have psychotic tendencies.

Article Source: Ezine Articles


And yes, as such is the case with Catherine Zeta-Jones, stress can play a factor in the Bipolar patient's stability and ability to control their disorder, and function at more normal levels.

To read the full article about CZJ and her treatment, CLICK HERE.

He "Graduated"!! (Of Sorts)

Yesterday, Bryce had another medicine check appointment. But with his NEW (again) Case Manager tagging along.

We went through the usual jargon. How do I feel the levels are, how's he doing at home and at school. And how are the mood swings and yadda yadda.

After everything was hashed out like about the Accommodations problems with the school and about more Behavior Modifications at home and at school, and about upcoming Day Treatment Camp for the Summer, it was time to leave.

After I had picked up all THREE months worth of prescriptions (which to me felt funny), I said "so when are we coming back?". Well, my jaw hit the floor and I went bug eyed when I heard...

"Not for another three MONTHS (unless an emergency arises)".

This will be the longest length EVER for Bryce to be in between appointments. And this is a GOOD thing, seeing as it shows significant progress in his behaviors, struggles with his ODD, ADHD and his Mood Disorder. And it's a good sign that means the levels of dosages for his medications are right where they need to be.

So all in all, it was a pretty good appointment. I honestly could not ask for a better Psychiatrist for my son or other patients under his (the doctor's, of course) care. That man GENUINELY cares about the welfare of his pediatric patients AND their family unit (from siblings to the parents). And he NEVER disses an idea you give or gets huffy for saying "no" to a treatment or dosage change. He knows YOU are the parent and that indeed YOU as the parent, know YOUR child best.

Denial..Why "Our" Kids? (PYHO)

**Reminder..Those of us linking up with Shell at PYHO are literally writing from our hearts, what is on our minds. Good, bad and indifferent. It's a place to BUILD UP, not tear down those of us participating. So, if you have NOTHING NICE to say in your comment, please refrain from commenting at all.**

I've got a lovely, sweet, funny and kind new Bloggy and Twitter friend. Her pen name is The_Drama_Mama over at The Scoop On Poop. I have even added her blog to my Blog list of Special Needs Bloggers here in The "Mental"-ist Mom. Most of the time, she shows us what her life with a child with many mental disorders is like using humor and seeing the lighter side of life.

But she took on a more serious topic for MommyLeBron's "Bipolar Tuesdays" and has shown what progress her daughter has made who's got most of the same diagnosis as what Bryce has as well. To say we "relate" is a clear understatement.

After reading the last comment that Drama_Mama_ had made in regards to our "kind words", the last line struck a chord with me. One that I still at times wrestle with.

Denial.

At first, when my son was a toddler and even a baby, I "denied" that I saw some "strange" things. Like not wanting to be held or touched much. Not liking the textures of certain food types. Crying at loud sounds like a fire engine. Ordering things, and getting profusely upset if you even slightly changed the order or the way the objects sat.

Then came the nasty mood swings that I chalked up to the "Terrible Two's" and "Horrible Threes".

But how can you "deny" facts like your child beating his sisters almost senseless or pulling a knife or hammer on you at the ages of 4, 5 and 6 years old, knowing he NEVER is able to watch movies that "promote" violence such as that?

I tried to "deny" the obvious for so long. And even when I did let myself see the REAL picture and magnitude of my child's problems, his father still was in denial himself. Until he saw Bryce actually pull a pencil on his older sister and heard his son say that he was going to stab her in the heart and kill her...over a TOY.

Not to mention the attention, focusing and extreme hyperness that got him in to trouble with the classroom Kindergarten teacher.

It took us a good two years to get ANYONE to listen and to lead us in the right direction. I definitely suspected (highly) ADHD. But of course the "doctor" (Pediatrician) chalked it up to his just "being an overly active, typical boy". Even after I stated the volatile states and severe mood swings.

At that point, I wondered who indeed was the one "in denial". And I had a CREDIBLE person attend that appointment with me. My mother-in-law who (at the time) was a (still) practicing nurse!

After almost a year later of the same crap, I finally got him in to his current Psychiatrist. It took at least three visits before the doctor would confirm or deny ANY kind of diagnosis for Bryce. He wanted to see my son a few times, get reports from the school, his Primary doctor and what the Case Manager where we go monthly had observed.

When all the pieces were fit together of the intricate puzzle that was my child, at least one firm thing was confirmed. My son has *SEVERE* ADHD. As I sat there and heard the OFFICIAL Dx, I bawled. And not from anger or sadness. From relief. FINALLY. Someone heard me. They BELIEVED me. I no longer had to TRY and deny "something" was off or wrong. After two extremely hard and long years, we were getting somewhere.

Parents like myself, The_Drama_Mama, Angel over at A Drink Of Sweet Tea and a host of others in my Blog Buddy List have times of denial. It's our way of "escaping", if just for a moment. It helps us see the true reality of what our children have to deal with on a daily basis.

Sometimes, "denial" can be a blessing. The reality is ALWAYS with us. But to "pretend" once in a while that our children are like ANYONE ELSE'S, even just for a brief moment, or have the deep-seeded hope that one day our kids will "grow out of it" gives us a tiny bit of our sanity back.

Denial doesn't (always) hurt anyone, if you are in denial for the "right" reason, and not to the point where it can damage you, your child or your family further.

Hence the question... "Why OUR kids!?"

Because they were put here to teach us something about ourselves. Patience, kindness, looking past other's differences, and a host of other reasons.

They weren't our "punishment" for something done in our past. They just want what we all want. Love, acceptance, the chance to meet their full potential and to show the world that "being crazy" isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I Ripped In To The (Substitute) School Nurse.

I honestly didn't mean to. And it was out of anger more than anything, as well as being tired of the "same shit, different day" call.

Yes, it IS true that Bryce did NOT have his Vyvanse this morning. And no, the school has no more of his "back up" pills on stand by. Yes, his not getting his ADHD med this morning was/is MY fault (and his dad's) because we accidentally left it in the glove compartment after taking it with us on an outing yesterday morning.

After speaking both with the (sub) school nurse and with Bryce himself as to what was going on with his "screaming and yelling fit" (which he claims he was NOT acting out), I honestly cannot say at this point who is telling me the truth between him and his teacher.

Why yes I did say that his teacher MAY be *lying*. Because if my son has ANY type of fit (be it mild or otherwise), they call me and AUTOMATICALLY assume that Bryce didn't have his ADHD medicine and will proceed to ask if indeed he did have it or not. In which case, he IS medicated (at home) about 98% of the time.

Also note, that I have told them time and time again, like a damned broken ass record, that it is *NOT* the Vyvanse that controls his mood swings. The Seroquel is used for that issue. And even then, it will not 100% curb them.

Plus add in the fact (and yes it IS indeed listed on his paperwork in the school files, as are ALL of his mental health problems/issues) that he has Sensory Processing issues. And guess what? THAT may very well be the ACTUAL culprit at hand as to why he *supposedly* acted out and had a meltdown.

The Master Gardners Association is at the school this morning and apparently there is A LOT of people in the cafeteria for this, with A LOT of different noises, sights and voices all going at one time. That amounts to WAY TOO MUCH for Bryce to take in all at one time.

No medication will help that! NOTHING. That is a sensory issue with the brain that NO drug will "help". I'm sick of my kids' school thinking that ANY "mental health medication" will be the CURE ALL as to help the teachers and school staff to "handle" these kids. The damn pills are NOT the complete answer, nor is it the ONLY way to "help" these kids meet their FULLEST potential.

WORKING WITH THEM, be it one-on-one or in groups within the classrooms, ALONG WITH the "aid" of the medications is the "cure all" to helping children with various mentally incapacitating disorders/disabilities. Not just to "drug them up" as to SHUT THEM UP.

If I could I would at least pull Bryce out of the Public Schools system and either place him in a Private School setting or even better yet, Home School. But I refuse to Home School for various reasons. One is the patience factor and the point that at some point, I would not have the knowledge to keep going with teaching.

This school has known of ALL of his problems since day one. And legally he DOES meet the requirements for Specialized Services. But their excuses of not complying with the law is that his Academic scores, which meet or even exceed standards for his grade level do not "permit" him to have even simple Requests for Adjustments met. Like isolation for test-taking or even having the help of Day Treatment for times like what *supposedly* happened today.

Now, I am even closer to, if not actually ready to contact the offices of the Disability Rights Advocacy Group in Richmond, Virginia. My son and I have been bullied and passed up long enough.

Nevada..Maybe My State Next For Budget Cuts (Mental Health)

Mental Health Services. It is my son's lifeline. And mine. And my family's. Without them, God only knows what would have become of my child, our family, and my marriage. Because before they stepped in and began helping us almost five years ago, it was a sure thing that my marriage would have ended, my son would have indeed have been placed in a group home (or Psychiatric Ward for an indefinite period) and my family would NEVER have been the same.

I'd done most of my growing up as a child in California. But a few years after my mom's death and my dad remarrying, we all moved to the Carson City area of Nevada. To me, that is "back home" now. And it's where my heart is when I speak of "home".

But now, my "home" wants to damage those that still reside there. And that have mental health issues. Governor Brian Sandoval is proposing Budget cuts. And one area that would be GREATLY impacted is the Mental Health Services within the state's medical community.

Like for myself and my family, THOUSANDS in the state of Nevada depend on the funds to be there within the Mental Health area of medical care to be able to receive quality care, maintain their mental status, or greatly improve their mental state. Especially those suffering from Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and other mentally incapacitating conditions, including ADHD/ADD and OCD.

Please, I urge you all who are reading this, to be sure to read one man's fight to not let Mental Health Aide get thrown to the proverbial wolves. He is a (former) Prison Guard in Nevada who suffers from Bipolar Disorder. And having access to Mental Heath doctors and (much) needed medications thanks to the funding being available to help those that were "down on their luck" and even living on the streets literally SAVED THIS MAN'S LIFE!

Nevada Mental Health Advocates Fear Budget Cuts

What is so very scary for me is that my state that I now reside in (Virginia) may very well be on the chopping block where Mental Health is concerned. And yes, I have in recent months indeed read that there have been "considerations" as to slash funding to those in need of Psychiatric help.

As a mother of a child who has been receiving services through Child and Family Services of Virginia for now almost five years, I cannot sit here and idly and quietly watch this possibility become a reality. My son is legally disabled thanks to all of the problems he has (genetically) acquired mentally. Thanks to his Case Manager, his Psychiatrist, various In-Home Therapists over the years, Summer Programs for kids like him and other services that are tailored to the needs of the mentally ill, my child, and thousands others in our state, as well as MILLIONS within the United States CAN and in fact DO have as close to a "normal" life as a neurotypical (one without mental disabilities) child has.

Starting Point.. His life. My life. *OUR* life.

My son. Where to start? First of all, he is smooshed between two sisters. There are times I can see in his face that being stuck in the middle of two girls, one with raging hormones is just a tad too... nuts.

When he was four years old, I knew something was really off. I'd seen some odd behaviors before then. Actually when he was a newborn. For the first three months of his life, he only would sleep in his car seat. He hated being held unless it was to be fed or changed. Everything HAD TO BE on his terms.

But at the age of four, things were really very peculiar. He would "order" things. Anything he could get a hold of. Books, CD's, toys. You name it, he ordered it in odd ways. Everything had to line up perfectly, be color coordinated or "numbered right". Sometimes all of the above.

Then, I came to note that he rarely if ever made eye contact. When he did, it was for only a few seconds at a time. Even these days, to get him to really look you in the eyes as you speak to him can be a chore.

His hyperness was another "abnormal" thing I noted. As was his violent tendencies. I'm talking "watch your back" violent moments.

Of course, I kept on FEELING something was quite wrong with my child. Compared to his big sister, he was just completely off the hook. I honestly at times feared for my life. And for a year, I pushed to have him tested for ADHD, being his activity primarily fit that specification.

After at least three repeated attempts, his Primary Care doctor REFUSED to let him be tested. So I forced them to give me a referral to a specialized group of Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Therapists that specialized in Mental Disorders and Illnesses.

Finally, after the testing was all said and done and the Psychiatrist and Psychologist really got to see my son in action...quirks and all, there was an official diagnosis. Actually, more than one.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Sensory Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Manic Depression, and the real shocker, Bipolar Disorder (which for now is labeled as Mood Disorder due to his age of only nine years old).

As of now, he is on Vyvanse and Intuniv for the ADHD, and on Seroquel for everything else, including as a sleep aide.

Believe me, as his mother, and a mother to two other children, I can and do have my days. Some days, he and I are seemingly at one another's throats. Other days, it's as if he is having a "moment" of clarity. Those are the days I cherish, since they are seemingly far and few between.

After reading this, I hope you will join me on my journey of documentation of his life as a child with mental disabilities (being that they DO impact his social, behavior, maturity and daily living skills/abilities) and maybe gain some knowledge of what life is like for kids like him and the parents like myself that care for and love them.

Until next time...