On The Merry-Go-Round We Go!..Again.

Well, another appointment has come and gone. Another one minus his Case Manager. THIS time, due to a death in the family.

First of all, we talked about B.'s medications and his eating "habits" of BARELY eating. Especially since again, he has lost weight and is showing the visible signs of it.

So, the doctor and I have decided to cut back some on his Vyvanse by 20 mgs. I will be placing the contents of the entire capsule in to a glass of water, pour out 2 ounces of a 7 oz. glass, then have him drink the other 5 oz. of water to consume 50 mg. of the medicine. I should know in a couple of weeks of doing this if it was the right move.

As for the Seroquel and the Intuniv, they are staying at the same dose of 50 mg. and 2 mg. amounts.

If push comes to shove, I will strongly consider a drug that is used in cancer patients to induce hunger and the wanting to eat. This would hopefully counter the unwillingness to eat and help him gain his weight and proper amount of muscle mass back.

His spinning/walking backwards is apparently a compulsive problem. He does this a lot. Like in Sears and the mall, where he almost knocked some things over and almost hit in to people.

And I found out that the noises and the sniffling (constantly most times) is a couple of tics that he has developed. But I cannot say for certain that it is medication-induced, or brain-induced tics. I think that at the next appointment in April (or was that March?), I will ask about that.

Also, his nose bleeds have been more active.

The highlight to all of this? He hasn't been getting in to AS MUCH trouble in school as of late, with his behavior. Homework and attention? Still not that great. But we are working on it.

Head Games

I'm still on my "hiatus", but needed to come here to vent and let off a bit of steam.

All of last week, while B was getting up and going to Day Camp with the Behavior Therapists from where he gets his mental health treatment, everything was great. It was a REALLY good week for him all the way around. Both there and at home.

Somewhere along the line, on Sunday though, it all changed. I can't say as to why, when during the day, or how. But B spiraled out of control.

There were no problems at church (first time back in about two years, almost) during Sunday School or Sermon. It was starting as we had to wait for my husband to get us (has poison oak and didn't want to share). Smart answered, yelling at me, walking off, non-compliant.

It only got worse from there. At home. Picking on his little sister. Yelling at her and at my husband. Kicking things, tossing things or knocking them to the floor.

Then Monday comes around. One problem for yesterday was he was out of his Vyvanse (had his last pill Sunday before church). But he was pretty good in the morning, getting up, dressing, calm and pretty manageable. Even with the bus being almost 40 minutes late.

By 2:00 in came he dreaded call. What he did Sunday, he did at camp on Monday, too. I let her know that he can't get any Vyvanse until this morning and that Sunday was JUST as bad, WITH the medicine.

Last night after he got home, about 3:00 and on until he had to go to bed early, was no picnic either. Same crap, different time of the day.

Why do I always get my hopes up? Why do I always think "hey, it's getting better, let's hope it stays that way", only for this shit to happen within HOURS of saying it. It's as if I jinx or curse myself EVERY single time. Because as soon as I see and verbally note a POSITIVE turn around, he reverts back to the same-old-same-old.

By evening, I just wanted to go off somewhere alone and cry my eyeballs out, scream, hit something...anything. I'm tired of this roller coaster with my kid. I have two others that need me to attend to them, too. But when B gets like this, ALL the attention is put on him as to ensure everyone (and everything, including animals) are safe from his wrath and destructive patterns.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the diseases. I'm sick of his mood and personality changes..I don't PMS as hard as this boy seemingly does! I'm sick of others "handling" my kid, when it's MY job, but basically am NOT allowed to "correct" theirs. I'm tired of family that just doesn't seem to get it, that NO amount of "spanking" will make him "shape up". I'm just sick of ALL of it. And sometimes, all of them...And him.

If that makes me a bad person or mother, then oh well. At least I haven't walked out on him or my family over it all. Most people would. I can't. I won't, no matter how much at times I wish I could just toss my hands up and say "I'm DONE!".

Nevada..Maybe My State Next For Budget Cuts (Mental Health)

Mental Health Services. It is my son's lifeline. And mine. And my family's. Without them, God only knows what would have become of my child, our family, and my marriage. Because before they stepped in and began helping us almost five years ago, it was a sure thing that my marriage would have ended, my son would have indeed have been placed in a group home (or Psychiatric Ward for an indefinite period) and my family would NEVER have been the same.

I'd done most of my growing up as a child in California. But a few years after my mom's death and my dad remarrying, we all moved to the Carson City area of Nevada. To me, that is "back home" now. And it's where my heart is when I speak of "home".

But now, my "home" wants to damage those that still reside there. And that have mental health issues. Governor Brian Sandoval is proposing Budget cuts. And one area that would be GREATLY impacted is the Mental Health Services within the state's medical community.

Like for myself and my family, THOUSANDS in the state of Nevada depend on the funds to be there within the Mental Health area of medical care to be able to receive quality care, maintain their mental status, or greatly improve their mental state. Especially those suffering from Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and other mentally incapacitating conditions, including ADHD/ADD and OCD.

Please, I urge you all who are reading this, to be sure to read one man's fight to not let Mental Health Aide get thrown to the proverbial wolves. He is a (former) Prison Guard in Nevada who suffers from Bipolar Disorder. And having access to Mental Heath doctors and (much) needed medications thanks to the funding being available to help those that were "down on their luck" and even living on the streets literally SAVED THIS MAN'S LIFE!

Nevada Mental Health Advocates Fear Budget Cuts

What is so very scary for me is that my state that I now reside in (Virginia) may very well be on the chopping block where Mental Health is concerned. And yes, I have in recent months indeed read that there have been "considerations" as to slash funding to those in need of Psychiatric help.

As a mother of a child who has been receiving services through Child and Family Services of Virginia for now almost five years, I cannot sit here and idly and quietly watch this possibility become a reality. My son is legally disabled thanks to all of the problems he has (genetically) acquired mentally. Thanks to his Case Manager, his Psychiatrist, various In-Home Therapists over the years, Summer Programs for kids like him and other services that are tailored to the needs of the mentally ill, my child, and thousands others in our state, as well as MILLIONS within the United States CAN and in fact DO have as close to a "normal" life as a neurotypical (one without mental disabilities) child has.

Starting Point.. His life. My life. *OUR* life.

My son. Where to start? First of all, he is smooshed between two sisters. There are times I can see in his face that being stuck in the middle of two girls, one with raging hormones is just a tad too... nuts.

When he was four years old, I knew something was really off. I'd seen some odd behaviors before then. Actually when he was a newborn. For the first three months of his life, he only would sleep in his car seat. He hated being held unless it was to be fed or changed. Everything HAD TO BE on his terms.

But at the age of four, things were really very peculiar. He would "order" things. Anything he could get a hold of. Books, CD's, toys. You name it, he ordered it in odd ways. Everything had to line up perfectly, be color coordinated or "numbered right". Sometimes all of the above.

Then, I came to note that he rarely if ever made eye contact. When he did, it was for only a few seconds at a time. Even these days, to get him to really look you in the eyes as you speak to him can be a chore.

His hyperness was another "abnormal" thing I noted. As was his violent tendencies. I'm talking "watch your back" violent moments.

Of course, I kept on FEELING something was quite wrong with my child. Compared to his big sister, he was just completely off the hook. I honestly at times feared for my life. And for a year, I pushed to have him tested for ADHD, being his activity primarily fit that specification.

After at least three repeated attempts, his Primary Care doctor REFUSED to let him be tested. So I forced them to give me a referral to a specialized group of Psychologists, Psychiatrists and Therapists that specialized in Mental Disorders and Illnesses.

Finally, after the testing was all said and done and the Psychiatrist and Psychologist really got to see my son in action...quirks and all, there was an official diagnosis. Actually, more than one.

ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), Sensory Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Manic Depression, and the real shocker, Bipolar Disorder (which for now is labeled as Mood Disorder due to his age of only nine years old).

As of now, he is on Vyvanse and Intuniv for the ADHD, and on Seroquel for everything else, including as a sleep aide.

Believe me, as his mother, and a mother to two other children, I can and do have my days. Some days, he and I are seemingly at one another's throats. Other days, it's as if he is having a "moment" of clarity. Those are the days I cherish, since they are seemingly far and few between.

After reading this, I hope you will join me on my journey of documentation of his life as a child with mental disabilities (being that they DO impact his social, behavior, maturity and daily living skills/abilities) and maybe gain some knowledge of what life is like for kids like him and the parents like myself that care for and love them.

Until next time...