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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Link Up & Show Some Love...Gain readers & Find New Reads.

Good Sunday to everyone! I'm participating in For The Love Of Blog's "Comment Love Day", where you go and click on other blogs and leave GENUINE comments. Not just copy/pastes of "Nice blog." or "I'm following you, please follow me back.". It is a chance to REALLY know the writers and get a good chance to REALLY read what is on their mind or important to them.

But before you go over there, be sure to also leave your link here as well. And feel free to also check out the links to my other two blogs.

If you wish to be a *FEATURED* Blogger, CLICK HERE.

If you want to see my (former) *haunted* home, where I grew up, CLICK HERE.

If you wish to see about the new group and chat area for parents of Special Needs children, CLICK HERE.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Sometimes I feel Alone In Parenting. Now There's A *GROUP* For Us!

I know that there are MILLIONS of parents that have to care for children that are not what society views as a "normal" child. We are of a unique "breed" of parenting. We are parents of children that have a disability of one kind or another.

Some of our kids have just one disability to live with and battle. Some of us have a child or even more than one child in our home that have a multitude of disabilities.

And for most of us, while the diagnosis may be the same in comparison, the way our lives and theirs, their severity of disability and how each individual home decides to "deal with it" may greatly differ.

There are times, especially when Bryce is having a really bad "off" day, I feel so very isolated and alone. Like no one truly understands what he goes through, or that I do as his mother. At times, I think that no one really CAN understand.

But then after the storm passes, I then know that indeed, I am NOT alone. There really ARE other parents out in the world like me that live daily with the struggles of having a disabled child. May the child be physically, mentally, or even emotionally or behaviorally challenged.

Now, thanks to Vic, Ashley and Danielle over at For The Love Of Blogs (FTLOB), us parents that are raising children that are considered "Special Needs" will have a group/place of our own to come together and talk and get/give support.

Most of the time, Special Needs Parents are shut out from the rest of the world. We are considered "taboo", as are our children and their medical problems. And it is such a shame, seeing as our children can teach the rest of the world more than us "normal" people can of how to give UNCONDITIONAL love, support and acceptance.

If you wish to also join the group and get to know other parents of Special Needs kids, just click on the link I provided and follow the instructions.

And you can also join a host of other groups that the FTLOB family is putting together. I cannot say enough about this EXTREMELY wonderful and supportful community, where both fellow bloggers, as well as those that just love to read blogs, can come together as one and support each other, and form some wonderful friendships.

Hope to see you join me there soon!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Tardive Dyskinesia & Finally Being Heard

Bryce suffers from a medication-induced "tic disorder" called Tardive Dyskinesia. Basically, he has involuntary muscle movements of the mouth region and of his hands and/or feet. It is in close relation to another well-known neuro-muscular disorder, Tourette's Syndrome.

The following is provided by the site, TD Center.

Tardive Dyskinesia Symptoms

Those with tardive dyskinesia engage in repetitive, involuntary movements without purpose. These may consist of any or all of the following:

* Movement of the lips and tongue (grimacing, smacking, pursing, sticking out the tongue)
* Rapid blinking
* Impaired finger movement or "fluttering"
* Rapid movements of the arms
* Toe tapping, moving the leg up and down
* Twisting and bending of the torso (in extreme cases)

There are also other similar, but unrelated movement disorders which are sometimes mistaken for tardive dyskinesia:

* Dystonia: Dystonia is characterized by sustained muscular contractions which can result in the entire body twisting into abnormal and sometimes painful positions. It is usually congenital, but can occur as a result of injury, a bacterial infection, lead poisoning or drug side-effects. However, while most types of dystonia may pass, the tardive variety is usually irreversible.

* Akathisia: This particular condition manifests itself as a compulsive need to move about, driven by inner feelings of anxiety or even terror. This is sometimes related to symptoms of Parkinson's disease, but is most often caused by drugs that block dopamine receptors (dopamine being the neurotransmitter that carries instructions from the brain over the nervous system). Unfortunately, this condition is often misdiagnosed as a psychological problem, leading to the prescription of yet more drugs, thus exacerbating the problem.

* Tourettism: This is similar to Tourette's Syndrome, a set of tic disorders that range from facial jerks and spasms to sudden uncontrollable exclamations. In most cases, the only way to determine if such symptoms are indeed true Tourette's syndrome or related to tardive dyskinesia is to obtain a thorough medical examination and review of psychiatric history.


Bryce displays many of these "signs". But primarily severe mouth/tongue movements, finger touching and even constant pulling on his clothes. He does NOT even realize he is doing it. Sometimes his feet and toes go "wild" as well. Plus now his speech is being affected.

I have said to his Psychiatrist COUNTLESS times that there is MORE to the story than what is on the surface. Now that the tics are seemingly more prominent, as is also now again, more volatile and emotional outbursts, I'm thinking that there is a "volatile combination" at work in my kid...

One being medication-induced TD (tic disorder). The other is an undiscovered brain injury from a severe impact with the sharp corner of a bedpost when he was two years old, where NO tests were ran that I remember, even though I said I had NO idea if he passed out, seeing as I wasn't in that room when it happened.

I thought both of the kids were sleeping at the time. That is until Bryce came to the hall of the trailer bloody and screaming and crying. Then I noticed I saw SKULL showing through his forehead.

Since then, he started to "change" in to a violent, emotionally charged 'hellion'. Before then, he was sweet, gentle and most of the time very happy and loving ALL of the time.

Not to mention a fall where he had a concussion a few months prior to this, where he misstepped going in to the house at about 18 months old. That time, he hit the side of his head pretty forcefully, due to the direction he fell after his foot slipped.

So, after talking with his Case Manager at Child And Family Services, where he also goes for his Psychiatric appointments, and catching him up to speed about last night's conversation and plans with his doctor, his CM (Case Manager) is going to help me with researching Bryce's records from when he fell, and look more in to the possibility of a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and the possibility that most of his mental disorders were triggered by an underlying brain trauma.

And if need be, he said he will try and "sweet talk" the Psychiatrist in to FINALLY doing tests like an MRI or a CAT scan (if not even both) to see if there is scarring or any evidence from a possible brain injury that was overlooked all those years ago.

At least now, FINALLY, I am being heard. I'm not being passed off, or told that it's not a possible scenario. I'm just sorry it is taking THIS long to get somewhere. But at least now the gears are starting to turn and something, ANYTHING is being done.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday's "Mindless" Blog Hop..Esp. Special Needs Blogs!

Good morning from the proverbial "Mental Ward"! Today is certainly a Monday. Kids were all just barely ready for school, in time to hop on the bus as they just went outside to "wait" for it. Bryce actually was the one on the ball this morning, which is pretty unusual. And today, hubby and I are filing taxes! Minus the kids in tow, which yes, people, is a "first", sad to say.

Now, on to blogging business...

I highly suggest that if you have yet to do so, to join a wonderful, friendly, and well organized blogging community. It's For The Love Of Blogs. Best thing (besides getting your blog out there)? You do *not* have to be a blogger yourself to join. It's also meant to be a wonderful tool for readers to find new blogs to read that are of their interests. Just click on the blog button (below) to hop on over to their site.

BUT!! Before you do, if you have a blog or two (or more) that you wish to promote, feel free to also do so here in my linky tool area (also below, at the very bottom of the post).

Happy Monday, everybody!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Things WILL be changing around here!

When is enough truly enough? It's when you constantly hear your son ask you why his sisters get to go on overnight trips with extended family members, but he is NEVER invited.

With the exception of one.

So, as of last night, I told my husband that after this upcoming weekend getaway that Hayley will have with my oldest niece, there will be NO MORE over-nighters for ANY of the three kids. Except for with the one certain family member.

No one knows of this yet, seeing as the ONLY one to know of my decision is my husband, who did not dare fight me on it, seeing as he has been heart sick over the "treatment" (or lack there of) of our son.

Oh I am 100% positive that they LOVE my child. But love is NOT just about the three words, 'I LOVE YOU'. It's also shown and even spoken of through ACTION.

They can all tell my kid that they love him until they are blue in the face and he gets sick to death of hearing it. What he is BEGGING for, yearning for is for it to be SHOWN to him.

He wants to have the same opportunity as his sisters get. And that is to have fun times with his cousins, aunts and uncles.

But of course that means having to take responsibility for his care. This means having constant contact with him for an entire night and at least part of an entire day.

And without even telling me, they are in some way SCARED of him and what he is capable of. When he has an episode, anything can happen.

Well damn! I deal with that shit EVERY single day. And guess what? I STILL manage to have FUN with him. I still treat him as if he is just as "normal" as any other person.

It'd be REALLY nice to have a damned break. I don't get that. Rarely enough do I with the girls. But NEVER (but once in a blue moon with the one family member) where Bryce is concerned.

So this is why after this weekend, NONE of my kids will be allowed to have sleepovers at other family members' homes. I see it like this.. If you can't take ALL THREE (either individually or together) from time to time, then you should NOT get ANY of my children.

And also, I have decided that just because I am a Stay-Home Mom, I am NO LONGER watching ANY of the kids in the family, except for the one who's willing to take my son from time to time.

I'm tired of being a damn door mat. And I'm tired of being used and having one of my kids pushed out because he is "different".

When it's a friend doing this shit, it's one thing. Still hurtful, but not as heart breaking. When it's family, that's a whole other ball game.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Monday, Monday..

Well, I can say it hasn't happened for a while. But when it does, it can be pretty bad. And yesterday was no exception to the rule.

There are days where Bryce just all out snaps. Like a proverbial twig. And it can happen at ANY moment, over even the most seemingly of mundane of things.

This happened to be over something his older sister had said and the fact he wasn't "first" for the computer. From there, it was all out war.

After he said what he did, which in turn made her cry as she hid in the bathroom (she is my first from a previous marriage), I said he owed her an apology, and that there would be no computer.

Then, finally he DID apologize but EXPECTED to still get computer time. Nope! So this again sent him over the edge. He started stomping, screaming at the top of his lungs, lashing out (literally) at his sisters (even though the youngest did NOTHING to him).

Finally his physically violent temper tantrum came to a head as he screamed bloody murder. That's when I had to use a technique that I haven't used in quite a while.

A bear hug. And believe me, for being so tiny looking, he is hell on wheels to hold when his mental state goes in to high gear like this.

It took me all I had to hold him from behind, as he struggled to break free of me as he squirmed, banged the back of his head at me and was kicking to get free.

As he kept on, I told him I REFUSED to let go until he stopped the screaming, crying, hitting and kicking. I have to be VERY specific of what I want from him in these times of "frustration".

After about three minutes of the hold (at least I think it was only three minutes, but who's counting?) Bryce had calmed down enough to let him go. But before I did, I again had to reiterate that he indeed was NOT getting computer time, and if he went in to a tangent again, that I again would INDEED place him in another bear hug.

Later on in the day, he said (being I was giving him a Vyvanse break for the day, but it does NOT control his mood and volatile side, just the problems with the ADHD like attention and focus) that being he did not have his medicine, that he lost his "control".

This has been an on-going battle/issue with us. Bryce has brought himself to believe that ONLY with his medication, can he "be a good boy", that it's NOT in HIS control to do so, but his medicines' control.

This scares me. A lot. And all of the time. I sound like a broken record at this point, when I tell him that it is NOT the medicines that make him have self control, but BRYCE (as in HIMSELF) that has the self control capability.

But his mind has been self-taught to BELIEVE that without the medicines, he is not in control of his own self, or is responsible for his negative actions, behaviors, thoughts or words.

So, now I'm at a crossroad. Which way do I turn? I highly suspect at this point, he is ADDICTED to at least one of his medicines. He can't seem to "live" without them now. And at nine years old, that is NOT a good sign to me.

We are to see his Psychiatrist on Friday. And I indeed plan on broaching this problem. I'm very tempted to start taking away the medications. At least temporarily. Even if it means committing him to do so, as to keep all involved safe, so that they can see what exact drug of the three is the root of the problem.

While the medications DO work and ARE helping (to a great extent), Bryce HAS TO realize that it is NOT the drugs' job to make him "be a good kid", but himself.

Sometimes, I wonder why him... And this is certainly one of those time.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Let's Get A-Hoppin'! It's Magical Monday. (blog hop)

Another week has started. What better way to kick it off on a Monday that to participate in the Magical Monday blog hop, courtesy of For The Love Of Blogs!

But before you run over there and see who all is participating, feel free to also ADD YOUR LINK HERE!

But, before you do...

please LEAVE A *GENUINE* COMMENT here on my page to show that you have read it. Not a copy/paste thing or a "I followed you/follow me back" comment... I am okay with people stating if they came from another blog hop and found me. But I don't play the "followed you/follow me back" game.

**If you cannot abide by that one simple rule for linking on my page, I wish for you to NOT link it at all, nor even leave a COMMENT on my page.**

Now, be sure that BEFORE you head over to.. add your link (below) in my link-up tool area! Have a great Monday, everyone.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Using the "Disabled" card...

I myself was disabled (legally) for a good portion of my childhood due to medical problems that required that I have machinery with me at all times to clear out my lungs via my trache.

For the most part, aside from a few limitations. I was just a normal kid. To myself and to my friends (what few I had).

My mom was the one that made me out to be a seemingly helpless child. Out of fear more than anything else. The only REAL limitation I really had was going under water, or letting it go past by breast area. Otherwise, it was all good.

But she restricted me to no running, no playing softball or kickball (or soccer), no playing in the dirt and having to only go to friend's homes that were "near by in case something happened".

I refuse to do those things to my son. He has some limitations. Not in the physical sense, but mentally. Yes indeed, he is EXTREMELY smart educationally. But he severely lacks interpersonal relationship skills, behavior appropriation and his maturity level is more of my six year old's level, if not a bit younger to a degree.

But I still let him walk to school (on warm days, not in the rain or dead of winter). He gets to go to friend's homes, where a few may be as much as a five minute drive (instead of a five minute walk). He spends the night at his uncle's home once in a while and if a friend invited him for a night's stay, sure!

Bryce also must do chores. Clean his room, take recycling to the basement and place them in the appropriate bins, gather his dirty laundry to wash, put away his clean clothes.

I don't do the "he just doesn't understand or do it in a timely manner because of his mental problems, so I'll just do it for him" crap. He has working arms, legs, feet and hands! Why should I do it for him when he is PERFECTLY able-bodied to do so?

The only time you will see me use the "Disabled" card is when I have to list them for the doctors, to obtain services for the school or medical settings and to explain (if it happens) when he has an episode.

Otherwise, he is just a kid. Not a handicapped or disabled child. Just a normal child. I refuse to let his disabilities hinder my child from doing ANYTHING he wants to do or to try and do.

He will need to be an independent citizen of society. How will he become one if I do EVERYTHING for him and make the "Disabled" excuse for him for everything?

The world doesn't revolve around Bryce's disabilities. He and his disabilities are having to revolve and integrate in to the world around them. And that's as it should be.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Follow Me For The RIGHT reason, or NOT AT ALL.

I love having followers, just like any other writer/blogger. But I want not just "followers", but READERS who are not only willing to read or even (with luck) glance at my pages, but are willing to say something constructive about the piece.

If you notice on my page, you will see that my FOLLOWERS/Google Reader list's numbers have dropped.


Because I went on and removed all those "followers" that were using me as a "look at how many I follow" tool, and those that spammed my pages with "I followed, now follow me back" BS.

If you are going to REALLY read my stuff and at least make an EFFORT to comment here and there, then by all means join my page! But if I'm just a tool or "numbers game" to you, then really, I do NOT want you to click the "Follow" button.

On ANY of my three blogs...


The (Not Always Happy Homemaker Diary.

Or on my ParanorMel blog.

If you know me well, then you know me well enough to get it that I am not in to FAKE people, users or SPAMMERS.

So, if you are one of those three kinds, then please, don't bother my page, get my hopes up or waste my precious time.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD)

Bryce has SPD. Also known as Sensory Processing Disorder. Though I don't normally talk about that part of his problems. Why, I can't say.

It has to primarily do with sounds for him. He gets 'overloaded' easily with audio environments.

The sounds he cannot stand, we can deal with. Such as a vacuum. Or a siren from a fire engine or police car. Or it could be one of his sisters screaming and yelling (with their high-pitched voices). Even at times, the TOILET seems to be too much.

Also, I have noticed Bryce having problems with certain food textures. He isn't in to things that have even a mild amount of lumps. And things that are too 'gooey' like puddings.

There are days where it seems like I can't go anywhere without Bryce complaining about noises. Especially decently loud ones. I can't take him to concerts, or to where there is a largely loud crowd. He gets too over stimulated.

When over-stimulation happens, be it loud noises, too many foods he can't stand (due to the textures aspect) or even a combination, Bryce can start having a severe fit because he can't control his environment, or he just shuts down and "hides away" from himself and everyone around him.

For me, as his mother, it can be quite troubling to watch and have to help him deal. But also, I am trying to teach him that not everything and everyone can, let alone WILL revolve around his world. At times, he MUST revolve around other people's world and the world at large.

There are times people (strangers) will see this unfold, and of course I get the stares, the head shakes and once in a while, someone will be bold enough to TELL ME that I need to better correct "the boy" and "be the parent, not the friend", being that he just seems to be displaying a spoiled, childish 'act for attention and to get his way'.

Most, if not ALL of Bryce's disabilities can be, and are mistaken for (at times) normal, childish, bratty attention-seeking misbehavior. What I can say is that yes, SOMETIMES, that is exactly what it is. But when he gets that bad, I can honestly say that it is NOT the case. My son CANNOT help it. And that it is the SPD displaying its self.

There are times that I wish I could tie people to a chair, that think that they know *MY* child better than I do, and feel that they are the EXPERT in parenting a special needs child, and FORCE them to listen to loud things like the consistent thumping of loud music, sirens that don't seem to stop, loud horns honking left and right, and shove food in their mouth that tastes like they are eating half-dried mud cake....

And listening to, and seeing everything AT ONE TIME as they are forced to chew on stuff that they can't stand having in their mouth.

I can be safe to bet that after that experience, they wouldn't decide to play Psychiatrist/Parenting Expert again after that!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Readers/Followers... (Yeah, I'm pretty upset!)

Okay, I think I need to nip this in the bud. Right here. Right now.

I do NOT do the "I followed you/follow me back" crap. That is NOT the way I roll. If I decide to click on your profile and check out your blog, I will. But without ANY pushing.

This blog is not my way to get a bunch of "followers" that are only doing the above 'game'. I want REAL readers/followers of this blog.

Why? Because the subject matter of THIS blog is REAL.

It is NOT a game.

Mental illnesses and disorders are not things that are to be triffled and played with. Their causes are real. Their affects are real.

And PERSONALLY, I feel that those of you that do the copy/paste shit with no intention of reading the posts, only out to get more "readers" are not only disrespecting me, but you are also disrespecting my son and our family.

So be warned....

If you are going to "follow" then do so. And READ what the realities REALLY are for my child, us as a family, and MILLIONS of other kids and their families that are dealing with mental illness.

Monday, January 3, 2011

What Do YOU See In Him??

When you see my son, what do you see? Do you see the happiness he can have most of the time? Do you see that he can be sly at any given moment? Do you see how much he loves his family?

Can you see that my son is Bipolar (classed as Mood Disorder), with OCD, ADHD, Asperger's Tendencies,Manic Depression, an Anxiety Disorder, Tardive Dyskenesia and a Behavior Disorder?

When our children with these 'problems' have an "off" day of lashing out and being 'abnormal', it is OUR normal. We have gotten used to the stares and whispers out in the public eye. Especially when an episode from the Mania he experiences just suddenly pops up during a shopping trip or other outing.

Sure all is fine and good with the world around us....Until *it* happens. Bryce's eyes glaze over in a "haze" and get a more sharp tone. His voice is quiet. His movement almost at a stand still. Then it happens. OUTBURST!

Next thing I know, I am having to take Bryce off to the side to talk him down, maybe even bear hug him from behind. Otherwise he is going to try and knock things over, run off, or hit someone (mainly me or his sisters).

And this is where the world's judges come in. They gawk and stare at the "evil" little boy and the parents that obviously can't "control" their kid. They see that as one of us is dealing with Bryce, the other is trying to maintain calmness with Hayley and Skyler, as to not have them feel upset or embarrassed.

Once everything is said and done, the calm comes as the storm passes. And everything is as it once was before the episode hit. And yes, these can occur at ANY given moment at ANY time of day, in ANY place (even in the home).

What you see as an "outsider" looking in though is NOT what I see. I don't see the "evil" little child that is unruly and needs his "ass whipped more often".

What I personally see as Bryce's mother, and Scott sees in his son as the boy's father is the potential that our son has to become a normal and productive member of society.

Bryce is in mainstream classes at school. And in ADVANCED Math and Reading classes.

He has friends and a 'social life'.

Bryce loves to play games on the computer.

My boy is a major Hot Wheels and Zhu Pets junkie.

He has a wonderful talent for knowing about Astronomy and Science in general.

But Bryce also requires monthly Psychiatric sessions because to help curb MOST of the symptoms of all of his disabilities, he needs medication. And to be sure that the medicines are working properly, there are no adverse affects, and that he is overall doing well, he must see a "shrink".

Okay, yes I said that I "drug" my kid. But, there are SO MANY misconceptions about the medications that are given to Psychiatric patients. Especially those given to children.

My son is not a "zombie'. He is not "foaming at the mouth" or listless. He is functioning at a better rate for his age THANKS TO those drugs. And it helps curb the ideals for him to go and get a hammer or knife and hold it up at me, all the while saying he is GOING TO KILL ME.

Yep, that's actually happened a few times over the years. Why do you think I have to keep the tool room locked? Mainly with the hammer. I don't remember him ever trying it with a knife. But he has raised scissors, ready to strike at me.

What this is all boiling down to is that for parents such as myself, we are tired of "professionals" telling us what we do or do not know. No one knows our children better than us. And when we cry out for help, we EXPECT someone to be there, listen and do RIGHT by our kids. Not pass us off and think that they 'know' our children. When that happens, dangerous or even fatal errors can occur.

Same goes for society as well. When you see a parent dealing with an "evil little brat", don't assume that the kid is just a 'bad seed' and the parent is just not "parenting right". Look at the scene a little closer. Try for a second to put yourself in their shoes. Because their child might be Special too.

Hidden Disabilities get the most "heat" in this nation (USA) and passed off by the general public more than it should be. It's time to stand back and get to know the person before judging them. They are human too and all they ask for, like anyone else is some compassion, understanding, and caring.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

My hopes for my child(ren) in 2011.

Here is what I hope for my son with the start of the new year...

1) That he can FINALLY receive much needed Services that are SUPPOSED TO BE given to him per request in school (504 Plan, IEP, Day Treatment Services, a couple accommodations..ANYTHING).

2) That the stability keeps up with what meds and doses of said medications he is on now. So far, this chick has NO room to complain, in comparison to about a year and a half ago.

3) That he makes even bigger strides in his interpersonal relationships with his friends and family members.

4) That as a family, we keep getting stronger and on the bad days, can work together better to get past each bump in the proverbial road that comes our way.

5) I hope that all three of my children grow even more tight than they are now. They are close, but they are starting to stray, thanks to age. So I can only hope the bond deepens as they get older.

6) That all three of my kids live life to its fullest with grace, dignity, love, respect, tolerance and peace. I can only hope that my teachings and advocacy have thus far done their jobs in helping me to raise the future.
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