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Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Monday, Monday..

Well, I can say it hasn't happened for a while. But when it does, it can be pretty bad. And yesterday was no exception to the rule.

There are days where Bryce just all out snaps. Like a proverbial twig. And it can happen at ANY moment, over even the most seemingly of mundane of things.

This happened to be over something his older sister had said and the fact he wasn't "first" for the computer. From there, it was all out war.

After he said what he did, which in turn made her cry as she hid in the bathroom (she is my first from a previous marriage), I said he owed her an apology, and that there would be no computer.

Then, finally he DID apologize but EXPECTED to still get computer time. Nope! So this again sent him over the edge. He started stomping, screaming at the top of his lungs, lashing out (literally) at his sisters (even though the youngest did NOTHING to him).

Finally his physically violent temper tantrum came to a head as he screamed bloody murder. That's when I had to use a technique that I haven't used in quite a while.

A bear hug. And believe me, for being so tiny looking, he is hell on wheels to hold when his mental state goes in to high gear like this.

It took me all I had to hold him from behind, as he struggled to break free of me as he squirmed, banged the back of his head at me and was kicking to get free.

As he kept on, I told him I REFUSED to let go until he stopped the screaming, crying, hitting and kicking. I have to be VERY specific of what I want from him in these times of "frustration".

After about three minutes of the hold (at least I think it was only three minutes, but who's counting?) Bryce had calmed down enough to let him go. But before I did, I again had to reiterate that he indeed was NOT getting computer time, and if he went in to a tangent again, that I again would INDEED place him in another bear hug.

Later on in the day, he said (being I was giving him a Vyvanse break for the day, but it does NOT control his mood and volatile side, just the problems with the ADHD like attention and focus) that being he did not have his medicine, that he lost his "control".

This has been an on-going battle/issue with us. Bryce has brought himself to believe that ONLY with his medication, can he "be a good boy", that it's NOT in HIS control to do so, but his medicines' control.

This scares me. A lot. And all of the time. I sound like a broken record at this point, when I tell him that it is NOT the medicines that make him have self control, but BRYCE (as in HIMSELF) that has the self control capability.

But his mind has been self-taught to BELIEVE that without the medicines, he is not in control of his own self, or is responsible for his negative actions, behaviors, thoughts or words.

So, now I'm at a crossroad. Which way do I turn? I highly suspect at this point, he is ADDICTED to at least one of his medicines. He can't seem to "live" without them now. And at nine years old, that is NOT a good sign to me.

We are to see his Psychiatrist on Friday. And I indeed plan on broaching this problem. I'm very tempted to start taking away the medications. At least temporarily. Even if it means committing him to do so, as to keep all involved safe, so that they can see what exact drug of the three is the root of the problem.

While the medications DO work and ARE helping (to a great extent), Bryce HAS TO realize that it is NOT the drugs' job to make him "be a good kid", but himself.

Sometimes, I wonder why him... And this is certainly one of those time.


singedwingangel said...

It mus have been a Monday thing cause Doug had a HUGE outburst last night as well. He has not been taking his meds because he has been running 120 constantly. He is currently at a friends because we had all had enough. He pushed and pushed until he told Gene that he would say what he wanted and Gene better not tell him to watch his mouth again. That was his last mistake. Gene stood up and said, " As long as I pay the bills and put a roof over your head if I tell you to watch your mouth you will do so. This is MY house and MY rules and if you don't like it then bring it, it will be the worst mistake you make."
Suddenly he was placid and quiet cause he knew he could not take Gene and if he had pushed him to that point it was not a good day for him.
He was informed on the ride to the friends that he would be back on his meds, back in therapy and minding at home or he would be moving out. Because we did not deserve the behavior but most of all HE didn't deserve it. Yes the meds help him but the final responsibility lies IN HIM and him alone.

Donna said...

Awww damn sweetie, sounds like you had a rough day all the way around. I hope the meet with the doc goes well, maybe mention giving him some placebo drugs to get past Bryce's feelings about the drugs he's on? The mind is such a powerful tool, who knows what we can make ourselves do when we think it's possible. I don't know what the answers are hon, but I'll be thinking about you guys as always and hope you'll have a better day today!

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