NT Parents vs. SN Parents

I am a mother.

I am a mother to three children.

I am a mother to three kids, where one of them has "problems".

I am a mother to three kids, where one of them has "problems", but that I love all equally.

You say that there is NO way you could do what I do, put up with what I put up with, and defend what I have to defend.

You say we are a strong, but rare breed. But there are more parents like me than you most likely even know. Because we don't look to be recognized or placed on a pedestal.

We do what we have to do, when we have to do it, as to ensure that our "special" kids are getting everything in life that they deserve.

That includes being as close to "normal" as we can get them. And to obtain the specialized services, that though are supposed to be rendered by Federally mandated Laws, are not always put in to place.

We rejoice at what most people take for granted. Especially when they are "late bloomers". We cry from the frustration. Not just our own, but the frustrations that our children display.

We want what ALL (okay, MOST) parents want for their kids. A better and fulfilling life.

You and I aren't THAT different in the world of Parenting. We, like our children, just do things a little bit different from the rest of you. And we see things (like first words, first steps and the other norms of growing up) a tad bit differently as well.

Other than that, I'm not much different from you. And yes, you CAN do what I do on a daily basis. Because when push comes to shove, when it comes to your child, you would do most ANYTHING and move every mountain and boulder to help your child achieve their very best potential.

Do I want to just throw my hands up and quit? YES! Sometimes, the fight to help your child achieve can really tire you emotionally and mentally. As can their daily struggles and fights of will. But in the end, no matter how much you want to just turn around and walk away, you CAN'T. You know for a fact that you have invested WAY too much time, energy, and most important, love in to helping your children succeed to the best of their ability.

So, the next time you think to yourself that you could "never do my job as a parent", or think I must be a lot stronger than you, take a step back and think, and know that when it all comes down to that fine line in the sand, there is really no line at all.

Doing Things Different This Time.

I'd gotten a call out of the blue from Bryce's Case Manager over at Child And Family Services (where he gets his therapies as needed, and sees his Psychiatrist).

Before leaving from his appointment earlier in the month, I once more mentioned to be sure to let me know about Day Treatment Day Camp. I skipped last year as to give Bryce a "break". This year, that mistake will NOT happen again.

Plus, Bryce enjoys going! Hr goes to different places. And it's all-expense paid by the funds received by Day Treatment.

Medicaid picks up the tab for my child to go. Federal Grants and community donations help fund the various activities.

Not only does my son get to do fun things Monday through Friday, but he receives the help of a trained staff in behavioral issues, and talks with a registered Psychiatrist or Psychologist once a week.

But apparently (according to the Case Manager), things are going to be a tad bit different. In a GOOD way!

Those that pick which students are in need of Day Treatment services during the school year will be there to watch the kids that are NOT being served within the school setting (including MY kid) and observing them to see if indeed they can qualify for help and to get the ball rolling.

Two years now, two teachers agreed that Bryce needed extra help in the classroom. Behavior management, primarily. He's been disruptive of others, non-compliant at times, not staying on task or being well organized. And I can only do so much from home. And the teacher herself can only do so much individually with him, seeing as there is a minimum of 18 kids in her class that ALL demand attention at some point.

Even if he can get assistance via the Day Treatment Therapist for an hour a day, or every couple of days, I think, and truly believe that it would make a tremendous amount of difference.

And my hope is that when all is said and done with the summer's Day Treatment Camp and the observances made, that Bryce will be one of the ones that will be selected for the extra help.

Though, I must admit, it's a bit hard at times to stay positive or optimistic about things such as this. After being shot down, ran over, screwed over and flat-out denied so many times, it can sometimes be difficult to stay in that positive frame of mind. Especially since I have yet to be able to fill out the papers to place Bryce in DTC.

So much for "cutting back" or "phasing out". (sad and disappointed)

The other day, I'd written a post about CUTTING BACK on my son's Seroquel to see if there was an ability to actually take him all the way off of it.

For the last few nights, I had him taking only 25 mg of the medication, instead of the 50, which he'd been dropped to for the last three weeks, from his top dose of 100 mg.

Sadly, those hopes of completely pulling Bryce off of the Seroquel have been dashed as of this morning.

There have been noticeable changes in his moods and behaviors. And this morning, it became extremely clear that the 25 mg was just not enough to stabilize him.

He has become belligerent, has been spewing "verbal venom" towards me and his sisters, and has gotten physically combative.

These are telltale signs that the 25 mg is just not enough to help him with his ability to have a calm discussion and not want to resort to violent tendencies.

I knew deep down that I shouldn't have gotten my hopes so high and so positive, it's like rainbows were shooting out my ass towards the thought and BELIEF that finally my child could be FREE of even just ONE drug flowing through his system as to help his brain have better control of its self, and Bryce of himself.

But then again, as a mother, how can I *not* at least TRY to be positive in the HOPES that something (for once) goes right for my child in the world of Mental Illness? Is it really too much to ask for some kind of peace for his ever-going mind?

My hopes for my child(ren) in 2011.

Here is what I hope for my son with the start of the new year...

1) That he can FINALLY receive much needed Services that are SUPPOSED TO BE given to him per request in school (504 Plan, IEP, Day Treatment Services, a couple accommodations..ANYTHING).

2) That the stability keeps up with what meds and doses of said medications he is on now. So far, this chick has NO room to complain, in comparison to about a year and a half ago.

3) That he makes even bigger strides in his interpersonal relationships with his friends and family members.

4) That as a family, we keep getting stronger and on the bad days, can work together better to get past each bump in the proverbial road that comes our way.

5) I hope that all three of my children grow even more tight than they are now. They are close, but they are starting to stray, thanks to age. So I can only hope the bond deepens as they get older.

6) That all three of my kids live life to its fullest with grace, dignity, love, respect, tolerance and peace. I can only hope that my teachings and advocacy have thus far done their jobs in helping me to raise the future.