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Friday, December 31, 2010

Walking Away = Failure?

Again, I am doing a Copy/Paste from my main blog, "The Happy Homemaker Diary" as to incorporate things that I have talked about in regards to my son and parenting him. Plus I think that the post says ever so well what I don't think I could say in secondary form with the right.."gusto" the first time around.

Even now, I have bouts of uncertainty and doubt in raising my children. I think all of us as parents tend to do it from time to time. But add in all the extra "needs" of a disabled child, and the doubts and uncertainty really pile up.

Copy of Why have I not walked away yet?..

How many times have you just wanted to give up? Be it getting ahead financially, the house getting back in order, getting the kids to listen or any other number of possible problems that we all face.

I've personally wanted to throw in the towel so many times that I have officially lost count. Okay, it's because I have no more fingers or toes to count on, being that all twenty of them are used up.

For those of us with children that have disabilities, the number can skyrocket. Especially if they have mental disabilities that make their personalities and moods change like the weather.

There have been days that I just want to leave my screaming, hateful, physically violent child and walk away. I get so tired. It is often times just too draining to deal with anymore. Both physically and mentally.

Those that have Neuro-Typical children (i.e. normal kids with normal heads) always tell us moms of kids like my son "If it were me, I wouldn't be able to handle it. How can you deal with this everyday?".

The answer is simple. We do it because we love our child too much to walk away.

They need us. And in the end, we need them too. Our children deserve as much "normalcy" as we can provide. And we are their only true advocates in this world to ensure that they get the best life that is obtainable.

Once again this morning, Bryce had an "off morning". Once again, I had to deal with whining, crying, back-talking, trying to swing at me and be in a total anti-behavioral mode.

People have seen me in public with him when he "snaps" like this and just stare. Why? Most likely because I am stern, but I'm not "loud" with him as I try to curb his "wild side". I have had people who have gotten to know us ask how I do it. How I stay so calm and collected.

My secret? At times I walk away. Even as Bryce is being belligerent. If I don't and the tempers are both flaring, I might say or do something that I can't take back. So I walk away, take a breath, go back right away and deal with him and the situation.

Yes, there are power struggles. Daily. And with Bryce, thanks to his problems, they are magnified by one hundred it seems. His brain computes emotions, ideals, and comprehension much differently from a "normal" child his age (Bryce is 8).

So, if you are having a really bad, no good, horrible day with your child, then just walk away for a bit. Be it to lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom. Go outside and get a breath of fresh air on the porch.

Just be sure that the child in question (and any other children in the home) is safe.

Once you are calm, then deal with the situation and the child at hand. It's better than the alternative, which has a more negative outcome.


Donna said...

I'm so freaking proud of you right now. Ugh I know I'm not your Mom or whatever, but honestly? This just cements the fact to me that you're a wonderful person. Walking away is such a wide used term and the only time it's a failure is when it's for good. You're HIS parent and you KNOW what's best for him in your heart, even when you sometimes doubt yourself, and ya know what? I have every confidence that you'll do this just right and he'll grow up to be a wonderful man, one you can be proud of and you'll look back at these days and say "Damn, I did a good job."

pr0udmom0f3 said...

Aw crap! You made me cry. And that's hard to do, ya know. Thanks for the vote of confidence.

Donna said...

Always sweetie, these little rug rats don't come with instruction manuals as much as we wish they did, so we gotta trust our hearts and it's easy to see yours is golden so it's all good! Love ya!

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